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This is our exclusive picture of the Royal Weeding - only available from the Confidential stable of magazines.
Here, in an unguarded and joyous moment, we have the undisputed Queen, Freddie Mercury, in an allotment with the once and future King, Elvis Presley.
They’ve joined a communal weeding event in an allotment.
Yes this is the Royal Weeding that's got everybody in the country yawning. (Surely talking? Ed)
The picture, in full colour, shows the happy couple enjoying the sun with their subjects.
In an exclusive interview with Confidential, the King remarked, "Have you seen my blue suede gardening gloves?"
"I want to break weeds," said the Queen with a smile.
"We can't go on together with suspicious vines," replied the King fluttering his burgers.
"Is this the real life?" said the Queen knowingly. "Or is it just an allotment?"
"First we'll take Manhattan, then we'll tackle the dockleaves by the wall," interjected Leonard Cohen, the prince of misery.
"We don't care," sang the whole nation, "because we've all got another day off."
If you’d like a special limited edition of this photograph with a fake signature from the late Messrs Mercury and Presley, please send just £999 to sleuth@keepmeindrink.com
All proceeds will be given to a bar, and not one penny wasted in administration costs.
Be careful of poor imitations. This is the raw deal.
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A little less conversation, a little more weeding action please.
It's a kind of magic
One shaft of light that shows the way...
to a lovely garden.
The Seven Seeds of Rye
Well, since my baby left me,
I found a new place to dwell.
It's down at the end of a lonely street
at the Reddish Allotments.
She's a Runner Bean
Fertiliser, Gelatine
Dynamite with a dibber beam
Guaranteed to bore your mind
Anytime