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Exclusive: Manchester to be protected from Labour Party Conference

Security at the Labour Party Conference will be for our protection, permanent wall planned for next year

Published on September 16th 2008.

Exclusive: Manchester to be protected from Labour Party Conference

Shock news from the Labour Party Conference to be held in Manchester later this week and next.

Confidential has heard that the secure area of the Labour Party Conference is for the protection of Mancunians from the 17,000 delegates attending the event.

“We have to be very careful with these sorts of people,” Inspector Joseph Nadin said. “We will be fencing them in and protecting entry points with detector barriers which will pick up offensive weapons such as knives. Apparently the Prime Minister, Mr Gordon Thingy, is sick of having them stuck in his back by his own party members. We're calling it Operation Brutus.”

“We also have instructions,” continued the Inspector, “from 10 Drowning Street to arrest anybody who uses the word Darling. And if they say, “hello, Mr Darling”, we are to arrest the person they’re talking to as well.”

Myopic police officer tries to check the time

The official risk status for the event is low. This led the Confidential team to ask why in that case does Manchester need the perimeter fence and all the extra officers?

The response was swift.

“Three reasons,” explained the Inspector. “Firstly, we have the power to do it, so why wouldn’t we? Secondly it’s what everybody does. There were even fences around New Islington Festival a couple of weeks ago. We simply can’t trust large groups of people to gather together peacefully.

Proposed permanent secure area perimeter device for 2009

“Thirdly, we wouldn’t want the public actually meeting politicians would we? It’s best to keep both these groups apart. We really want to avoid any type of democratic interaction between elected representatives and the people of this city. It would be very unhealthy.”

The fenced area follows Peter Street, Watson Street and part of Great Bridgewater Street, and Lower Mosley Street. It includes Manchester Central (aka G-Mex and Manchester International Convention Centre), the Midland Hotel and the Radisson Edwardian Hotel. As well as M-Two night club and Pizza Express.

A tearful constitutional historian told Confidential that the area fenced off from the public is exactly the site where the Peterloo Massacre took place in 1819. This is where 15 people died and 600 were injured while peacefully meeting in a public space and protesting about a lack of democratic rights and civil liberties. The casualties were a result of over-zealous policing and the security paranoia of the time. Authorities blamed a lack of the yet to be invented CCTV and the need to ensure national security.

A return to the conditions and paranoia of 1819 is now, of course, completely impossible. Everything is safe in the hands of the police and the government who after all always know best.

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24 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

AnonymousSeptember 16th 2008.

Are Labour still in power? There hasn't been a labour party since the death of John Smith.

SimonSeptember 16th 2008.

"Manchester might welcome you, but Mancunians don't" - Speak for yourself! Move to Brighton if you don't like it, I think they only bring in a handful of Community Support Officers for the Lib Dem conference - you'll be able to go about your daily business as normal, as long as you avoid public lavatories...

RichardSeptember 16th 2008.

Manchester is swarming with police - I've never seen so many cops in the city centre. Did anyone see the lollipop men on St Peter's Square this morning - what a f***ing joke - trying to tart the place so it looks like it works so the PM can imagine we're all happy up here. I bet they will have put more Metro carriages on as well so Gordon can't see the thousands of people trying to squeeze on. Enjoy the conference Gordon, you won't be PM by next year.

AnonymousSeptember 16th 2008.

At last...!DID YOU HEAR THAT MANCHESTER?!"join the Anti-War demonstration on Saturday, starting from All Saints at 12.30"DID YOU HEAR THAT EX '96.2 THE REVOLUTION' DJs?!"join the Anti-War demonstration on Saturday, starting from All Saints at 12.30"

JJSeptember 16th 2008.

Perhaps it's not wise to ask, but I do wonder why you call something you so obviously hate by the name 'Labia'.

Simon TSeptember 16th 2008.

"Inspector Joseph Nadin" = obscure Peterloo joke reference. Bless you ManCon.

AnonymousSeptember 16th 2008.

One way of getting down Oxford Road, with police support, will be to join the Anti-War demonstration on Saturday, starting from All Saints at 12.30, to send the message that Mancunians don't want the pointless British involvement in the USA's wars in Iraq and Afghanistan to continue or, as may even happen, be spread to Iran.

GarySeptember 16th 2008.

Do you mean Socialist circle? Alas I only I tend only to come into contact with people who work for a living.

Ali McGowanSeptember 16th 2008.

Are Labour still in power?

johnthebriefSeptember 16th 2008.

On my way to work I have to pass a sign put up by the Council saying "Manchester welcomes the Labour Party Conference". This is tempting me to my first ever graffiti, along the lines of "Speak for your fukking selves"

johnthebriefSeptember 16th 2008.

I don't so much mind them coming to Manchester, after all there must be a boost of sorts to the local economy. But the policing and security is just way over the top and seriously inconveniences anyone not attending the conference.

GarySeptember 16th 2008.

Because Labium/Labia is an unwelcome insect. Why, what assimilation did you think was appropriate?

Kev PSeptember 16th 2008.

Gary, I'd suggest you widen your social circle.

johnthebriefSeptember 16th 2008.

neither, I'm afraid

AnonymousSeptember 16th 2008.

The question is, "Is labour still in power"? There h

gedSeptember 16th 2008.

next time darlings, stay in london! xx

AnonymousSeptember 16th 2008.

Party conferences are usually held off-season at seaside resorts because those places are quiet, have lots of empty accommodation and are pleasant places to visit. So why on earth are Labour in Manchester clogging up a busy city centre and causing just about the maximum inconvenience possible short of holding their conference in a temporary building erected on the M6 carriageway just north of Birmingham?.

Mike WaterfootSeptember 16th 2008.

Yes, stand up and be counted. Claim you rights of freedom to say what you believe, but be prepared to be kicked off the streets for saying it.

Bob LSeptember 16th 2008.

Perhaps it would have been safer for Gordon R. Sole and his cowhores to have held this shindig in Kandahar or Kabul. But maybe this might have confused them as they wouldn't have known whether to watch their backs or their fronts.

Anna FreudSeptember 16th 2008.

JJ: I detect a touch of Castration Anxiety.

GarySeptember 16th 2008.

Simon - every mancunian I know abhors Labia’s return. We all lose out, have traffic gridlock (its started already – 3 days before the event even starts) and get nothing back other than a load of overweight union stooges campaigning for petty causes – whilst ignoring the fact that the Labia government they seek to control have systematically ruined GREAT Britain, and are just adding yet more fuel to the fire. Labia have destroyed the country, not finishing off Manchester. The sooner they sod off back to London the better.

JJSeptember 16th 2008.

"Johnthebrief" are you a barrister or a sex industry worker?

JJSeptember 16th 2008.

Gary: That's true. You ask what I think is appropriate; I think it's appropriate to use words carefully when they have two distinct meanings, unless the meaning is clear from the context. Which in our case we have not got. Anna - who and why?

AnonymousSeptember 16th 2008.

What, arrest people for saying "Hello Darling"? This is Manchester, the gay centre of England. We are all Darlings Lovvie! Of course in our society it is more acceptable for one man to hit another man over the head rather that see 2 men embrace each otherwell "Hello Darling"

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