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David Beckham, Peter Saville And A Lobster Called Clawdette

Sleuth Wk 29 and the worst Beckham pic ever

Published on July 14th 2013.

David Beckham, Peter Saville And A Lobster Called Clawdette

SleuthSleuthSleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week, it's the truth, but Sleuth's truth. He's several people all at once. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to publish. Sleuth sometimes even gets serious. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows. Follow Sleuth on twitter @mcrsleuth

World’s Worst Picture Of David Beckham 

Gordo, Confidential’s food lover extraordinaire, was in Artisan, the new Living Ventures' restaurant on Monday evening. He was wining and dining when in walked Manchester United's famous class of '92, Ryan Giggs, Paul Scholes, Gary and Phil Neville, Nicky Butt and David Beckham. They went to the private dining room of course, where a bit of filming was going on. Hayley Harthern, a Confidential friend, managed to sneak the world's worst photograph of David Beckham over her right shoulder - main picture above. Gordo meanwhile managed a better snap of Gary Neville balancing a tiny Oriental lady on his right shoulder while hugging Michael Pucci of Puccini's restaurant in Swinton.

Gary Neville Always Carries A Small Oriental Lady On His Shoulder

Gary Neville always carries a small Oriental lady on his shoulder

Forage on Mr Rogan

Sleuth loves the notion of Simon Rogan cooking a special menu for the Dig the City celebration in August (click here). According to the press release: 'Simon likes to work with the freshest and most seasonal of ingredients, and items are often foraged that very morning. (This means) the full Dig the City menu will only be revealed on the day. However below is a sample of what the Dig the City Menu at The French by Simon Rogan might look like: raw mackerel in coal oil, yogurt and rye; crab, sweetheart cabbage and chicken skin; carrots with beef tongue dill and buttermilk; Pugh’s piglet, artichoke, ramsons and mead.’

Wow. Sleuth reckons that’s some serious morning foraging. Unless at least some of it is foraged from the freezer.

Rogan, About To Set Off Foraging In The Meadows And Hills Close To The Midland Hotel

Rogan, about to set off foraging in the meadows and hills close to the Midland Hotel

Sleuth’s Inexplicable Notice Of The Week 

Sleuth was walking down Henrietta Street in Old Trafford when he saw this notice attached to a telegraph pole. It’s about ‘Clawdette’ a much loved lobster that’s gone missing. Sleuth is bemused. Is this a real note? Is it some form of political comment? 

Clawdette the missing lobster


Clawdette the missing lobster

Sleuth’s Locks On Bridges 

Sweet young love. Sleuth wonders if Trinity Bridge in the city centre is to become as smothered in these things as certain Italian bridges. Here you can find Manchester’s first ‘lovelocks’. Lovers bind themselves together by scrawling their names on the locks and then securing said lock to a bridge before, hands clenched tightly, throwing the key into the river. If this started as marketing ruse from the padlock companies it's certainly transformed into a habit couples are smitten with. Problem is, hiring a wetsuit and qualified diver to recover keys can be an expensive business when you discover your 'love' leaves off the top of the toothpaste tube - every time. 

Locked in passion


Locked in passion

Manchester Airports Comforting Sign For Lovelocks

Sleuth reckons that those armed with lovelocks - see story above - shoud perhaps attach them to this sign at Manchester Airport. This is what will happen after the passion of the early years wears off. 

Airport has feet under the table


Airport has feet under the table

Orginal Modern Designer Peter Saville Doesn't Mind 

Sleuth was at one of the Manchester International Festival events recently when he bumped into Peter Saville, design guru, and the man who came up with the ‘controlling thought’ of ‘Original Modern’ to explain and direct modern Manchester. “I read the Confidential article on Original Modern," Saville said. "Thought it was great and that you had every right to say what you did. The council seemed a bit worried but really Original Modern should be questioned and debated.” Sleuth does wish some people in the council were less defensive over constructive criticism. 

Peter Saville approves


Peter Saville approves

Sleuth’s Quote Of The Week 

This from David Blake’s The xx review. ‘The only problem with meeting outside Victoria Station, especially after an abnormally hot and thus boozy weekend day, is the sheer amount of tanked up delinquents that converge there as dusk approaches. We lettered folk should not have to witness a shouty vagrant with at least a third of his arse out, attempting to steal a locked bicycle from the railings beside us. That’s not what we signed up for. The critic from The Guardian had to be resuscitated.’

Sleuth And The City's Very Poisonous Plant

Every seven days or so Sleuth is stopped in the street and asked by policemen, concierges, Ryan Giggs, Paul Scholes, Gary and Phil Neville, Nicky Butt, David Beckham, Simon Rogan, lobster freedom fighters, padlock salesmen and the complete staff of Manchester Airport and asked: "Where can we find the most poisonous plant in central Manchester?"

"Why," says Sleuth, "that would be by the river banks and is called Giant Hogweed. The Latin name is the marvellous Heracleum mantegazzianum and the plant can grow up to three metres tall. Don't get its sap on you though as it can result in blisters, long-lasting scars, and -if it comes in contact with eyes - blindness."

And to prove this he showed the policemen, concierges, Ryan Giggs, Paul Scholes, Gary and Phil Neville, Nicky Butt, David Beckham, Simon Rogan, lobster freedom fighters, padlock salesmen and the complete staff of Manchester Airport this picture.

 Giant Hogweed -


Giant Hogweed - don't let it sap you

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StephJuly 14th 2013.

"Sleuth does wish some people in the council were less defensive over constructive criticism." Pot, kettle, black - This is from the same people who constantly get overly defensive about comments on their reviews and stories on here.

AnonymousJuly 14th 2013.

Am I missing the bit about Methodists? I don't like headlines that trick me into reading articles more than once to find all the relevant bits!

1 Response: Reply To This...
SleuthJuly 15th 2013.

Oops, that's in next week's Sleuth now. Will amend.

AnonymousJuly 15th 2013.

A little more criticism from the council about the council would be lovely. Lets Start with the "Citycentre Spokesman" Which you know is basically doing what the councillors are supposed to do...

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