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Bez's Bees, New Restaurant For Prohibition Site, Greek Vicars, Bolton Questions

Sleuth Wk 35: Absurdity, News, Cheese

Written by . Published on August 30th 2013.


Bez's Bees, New Restaurant For Prohibition Site, Greek Vicars, Bolton Questions

SleuthSleuthSleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week, it's the truth, but Sleuth's truth. He's several people all at once. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to publish. Sleuth sometimes even gets serious. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows. Follow Sleuth on twitter @mcrsleuth

Bez Gets High

Sleuth bumped into Bez, Happy Mondays' jiver, this week. Sleuth was counting the number of air conditioning units on the roof of the The Printworks when he found Bez standing over some hives surrounded by bees. There were wild flowers too.

"I'm living down in Wales now," Bez told Sleuth. "Working in a cooperative like, learning about the bees and starting to make ale. Got to fifty and had no pension plan so this is it now, didn't want to get senile in the city, wanted to get back to nature."

Because of his new found and unlikely passion he also suggested to the Hard Rock Cafe and the Printworks about putting hives on the roof in his native Manchestoh - and bless them they did.

The man dressed as Tinky-Winky below is Adrian Rhodes, a Church of England vicar, who tends hives at the Cathedral and here. He's the real bee professional.

"Bees prefer cities," says Rhodes, unlike Bez it would now seem. "There's far more variety of flowers in the gardens and the parks, and that helps make better honey as well."

Meanwhile the bees don't get senile in the city.

As autumn advances the Queen Bee releases a pheronome that tells the male bees to get the hell out of the hive and die in the cold because there ain't room for them any more.

Sleuth never did finish counting the air conditioning units. But did taste the Cwn y Heol honey that Bez's co-op produces and very good it was too.

Bez and his bees

Bez and his bees

The Tram That Couldn't Open Its Doors

So a tram arrived at Firswood Station. Sleuth and several others waited as the doors started to open and then stopped offering an impossible aperture four inches wide to get through. The driver closed the doors and tried again, still just four inches, so he tried again. Nothing. Evidently satisfied he drove off and left all the passengers standing on the platform. There was no tannoy announcement to apologise.

But Sleuth had seen what had gone wrong. The doors were jamming on the platform edge. Was there an inordinate amount of fatties on the tram pushing it down against the platform edge? Or was the tram just knackered? Metrolink wasn't letting on. Sleuth is just pleased people didn't need to get off in a hurry due to some emergency or other.

Doors crashing with platform

Doors crashing with platform

The Bolton Direct-If-Irrelevant Question Department

Yang Sing's Harry Yeung was doing a cookery demonstration at the very popular Bolton Food and Drink Festival. It seemed to go very well. As is traditional at its close people were asked if they wanted to offer up any questions. "Did you wash your hands?" came a question from an old lady in the audience. It was the only question that was asked. Sleuth wonders whether Boltonians obsession with cleanliness is a truth universally known. 

Sleuth's Strangest Email Request Of The Week

Sleuth has received this out of the blue request. Sleuth is not a hotel.

'I wish to make room reservation on behalf of 4 reverend from Greece, they will be visiting for a five (5) days religious program in your country in the month of October. I would like to reserve two double rooms or any other room type to accommodate them for the following dates: To check-in on 5th to 12th October inclusive (5 night’s total). Names of the Priest; Rev. Fr. Barsabbas Zotikos, Rev. Fr. Karpos Stylianos,  Rev. Fr. Iaeiros Tarasios, Rev. Fr. Bartholomaios Yiannis. We look forward to arrive at your location on 5th of October and the time is flexible.'

Anybody got any rooms available?

Prohibition Bar To Be Replaced By Frenchies

Sleuth has learnt that Cote Restaurant group wants to redevelop the faded and jaded Prohibition site on St Mary's Gate just down from Gaucho. Cote say: 'Our inspiration for the food and design comes from a modern interpretation of the many famous bistros that populate Paris'. A bit like L'Entrecote then, the restaurant that closed last month, but probably with butter when required. Cote wants to also take the sandwich shop unit next door to make a bigger space. Sleuth will keep a beady eye on what's happening down there.

Sleuth's Salford Town Hall

Every seven days or so Sleuth is stopped in the street and asked by policemen, concierges, Bez, Greek priests, tram drivers, French waiters, and all the clean people of Bolton: "I want to buy an apartment in an old Town Hall in the region. Where can I do this?"

"Why," says Sleuth, "if you wait a year or two you can buy an apartment in the old Salford Town Hall and Magistrates Court in Bexley Square off Chapel Street. Completed in 1825 by Richard Lane, it's being converted into 122 apartments by X1 Developments and Knight Knox International, and is very convenient for town and that cracking boozer The New Oxford. It will retain one of the court rooms and a cell, so residents meetings should be interesting. "

And to prove this he showed the policemen, concierges, Bez, Greek priests, tram drivers, French waiters, and all the clean people of Bolton, these pictures. 

Salford Town HallSalford Town Hall

Salford Town HallSalford Town Hall

Salford Town HallSalford Town Hall

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David in CheshireSeptember 17th 2013.

That email is a well-known scam. We used to get frequent versions of it when we rented out our holiday home. Note the references to "your location" and "your country", because the scammers are too stupid to have discovered Mail Merge. They chat you up by email, and eventually send you a cheque for more than the cost of the accommodation, along with a request to spend the difference on something they will need while they are in "your location". The cheque, of course, will be valueless. I answered one to see what would happen - he asked me to buy specific bicycles for his children, from an equally dodgy online "shop" which would have happily taken my credit card. Whichever country they're from tends to treat clergymen with some reverence, which is why they all have religious titles. They haven't discovered that the godless English don't share this esteem for the cloth.

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