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Who would you trust to be mayor of Liverpool?
They get to control the whole show so are we better off as we are and do you care yet? Larry Neild weighs in
WHO would be your choice for elected mayor of Liverpool, or king of an even bigger manor, the Liverpool City Region?
When considering likely candidates for a similar job in Liverpool or across Merseyside, remember the winner will hold the purse strings.
Professor Phil Redmond, DLIB’s Frank McKenna, Ken Dodd, Steven Gerrard? Strictly Come Political contenders could include Warren Bradley, Mike Storey or soon to be redundant MP Jane Kennedy. How about a regal touch for the local throne with Jim Royle, aka Ricky Tomlinson.
Is there a real heavyweight out there that could be to Merseyside was Rudi Giuliani was for New York?
Wirral is the latest local council to be dragged into the so-called democracy debate, with ex-Scouse exiles living over the water expected to decide how they should be governed. Maybe a Wirral Mayor who promised to scrap the tunnel tolls, or even brick up the Mersey tunnels, would win a landslide.
There seems little appetite among local people either side of the Mersey to even bother about the way we are governed, judging by the response to these democracy debates force-fed onto a disinterested mass of electors.
Yet look at the amazing powers in the gift of Boris Johnson, Mayor of London and it is clear the real title should be Ruler of All He Surveys.
To be fair, Boris, one time commentator on Scouseness (and we’ll never let him forget it) did not make the rules for the Ruler of London.
He runs virtually everything and decides how the budget should be spent, and it is his call. On everything.
There must be, one imagines, some form of challenge or scrutiny to ensure our cities do not fall into the hands of a real dictator.
London has an assembly of 25 elected members and while they are not exactly toothless, they can only sport the odd molar between them. Their power, apart from having a whinge, is to challenge the Mayor’s annual spending budget. But only the total bill, not how he intends to spend it. Boris is in charge of the police, Transport for London, fire and rescue, London Development Agency, and he can set public policy on housing, planning, health inequalities, climate change and further education.
Each of the 25 is paid almost £53,000 with the assembly made up of 11 Cons, 8 Lab, 3 Lib Dems, 2 Greens and 1 BNP. The reality is an elected mayor here would only work if the incumbent had strong powers to get on with the job without interference from lesser politicos.
Just days ago Boris announced he was leaving the GLA tax unchanged for a second year (Ken Livinstone put it up every year for eight years previously). It means a Londoner living in a Band D property will only have to pay £309, on top of their ordinary council tax that is, plus £38 towards the Olympics.
When considering likely candidates for a similar job in Liverpool or across Merseyside remember the winner will hold the purse strings.
Is their an individual we would trust to be the master, or mistress, of our fate, a person with the power to take charge of a multi-billion pound budget?
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Without doubt it must be Crown Prince Harpik! He would make politicians and officials answerable at the point of a sword and the hurtling half-bricks of the pillory!
Jack, if I chuck a quid into your tin can I have some free tickets as well?
Suck!Teacher's pet!
It should be me. You think our city leaders are crooked now? Wait until you see mee in action. I'll show them how it's done!
I'd never vote for paragraphs. Anyway, that Williamson bloke would have made a great mayor - creating employment in hard times with his tunnels. What people don't know is that he was actually searching for a rich seam of jam butties. There's even a rumour circulating that his great-great-grand-child, Prof Chucklebutty, was going through his personal effects and discovered a letter ... See Morerevealing that just before he croaked, one meandering tunnel had touched the edge of a huge butty deposit. Fast forward to today: tough times, unemployment,lack of public toilets, little industry, a general melancholy, feral cats, sour-faced former Sidebrook producers campaigning for mayor, then there's only one choice. Someone who'll bring employment to the masses. Someone with the vision to re-open the jam butty mines. And no, it's not Les Dennis...
Is this real? What are you going on about. Do you mean Ken Dodd?
No one has mentioned me yet
Proffie Von Cucklebutty,Finished my "soap box" stuff..I would give ANYONE the vote, that allowed pubs to make their own decision as to be "smoking" or "non smoking"...their business, their customers, they know the best...fed up of being "out in the cold"....
Professor Chucklebutty would seem to be the only sane choice (by jove!).
I'll vote for the man who lets me keep my bus pass, providing he promises to save money by sacking those nasty people who try to stop little Fifi doing her do-dos in the park.We have so many busy-bodies in our city. Maybe if we had just one mayor it would get rid of most of them and we would know where we stand. My favourite would be that nice man Craig who won the X-Factor of Big Brother or something like that.
It is as plain as the light in a cucumber: Chucklebutty for mayor; Harpick as regent for military affairs; Baron von Strengel in charge of telegrammatical communications (all electronic gadgetry will be banned immediately of course) and the Marquis de Vouvray commanding the cavalry. Then we invade the Wirral, and trade it to China in exchange for the liberation of Tibet.
Why Professor Chucklebutty is the ideal Mayor for Liverpool and the City Region! Why is “Professor” Redmond impersonating a clergyman with a collapsed face? Redmond would be no good, he’d be too busy admiring his reflection in the silverware to do any work. Also we’d need an interpreter to understand his speeches.
It was Simon Heffer, not Boris, who wrote the Spectator article. Boris was the Editor which is why he had to apologise.
This city has never been the same since the Conservatives became extinct. I say a jolly good helping of old fashioned Toryism is just what these environs need to smarten things up. I'm sure Mr Cameron will lend us one of his top bananas for the post. He could be called the Government's Governor General for Liverpool, cracking the whip so to speak and getting those unfortunate jobless folk of the inner city areas back into gainful circulation. Am I wrong? Of course not, who do you think was in charge of this city when Liverpool was the World's Greatest Seaport. It certainly wasn't the Lib Dems or Labour. Lets give it up for Yer Conservatives, hip-hip, hip-hip, hip-hip
Can we have some paragraphs please....... this just made my eyes sore! PTx
OK, just for you Richard, you can call me Phil. Is your real name Richard Nixon?
I'm all for giving the Tories a go...and as for the Mayor of Liverpool...Pete Postlethwaite for me. No more Lib Dem "sicophantic...bum licking...with Mike Storey being the current (so called) Mayor..who would be next? Surely not our unbeloved Warren Bradley? He of the photo shoot in every corner of the city?...never mind the money that he has spent (council tax payers money) on is "entourage" to Shanghai. Try googling it...get past the the "city council blurb"....search for Liverpool Shanghai...and dig deep!!All of our politicians are in it for the amount of money that they can screw from (us) the council tax payers.I refer to the Lib Dems and the Labour local MP's...as well as the bum holes in our local council.Amazing how many have resigned since the full publication of expenses claimed...and the restrictions for expenses in the future.Unfortunately. Warren Bradley and Mike Storey seem to be immune from all of this.Just "google" their namesand see what else they are up to!!Apart from that..."Feathering their nest" comes to mind. What Liverpool needs is a strong, straight speaking leader, who takes no shit, no bribes, who cares for the people and not themselves, and really loves this city and the potential it has...manufacturing, small businesses, support for the elderley and infirm...and never forget, our beautiful green spaces, THAT SHOULD STAY THAT WAY...stuff Tescos....support Aldi , Netto and Lidl...you don't get ripped off and they use brown field sites!!Not like Tesco in Mather Avenue...despite numerous opposition for the extension into the Uni playing fields (and plans declined) ..........it was finally agreed by the Council (18monthsago) on the promise of new jobs!! THAT WAS A DESIGNATED GREEN SITE!! Good old WB with his "green for liverpool" campaign, has rampaged over our green belt, with "back handers and publicity" as his sole purpose in life!!Anyone remember Derek Hatton??
I propose a Facebook campaign for the good Professor. Perhaps Larry & his chums at Aurora/October could also weigh in. Whaddya reckon?
Hi Jasper, yeah brilliant, would love to see you June next year, brilliant, but you didn't say what day though. Is La Conic a Spanish group? Do you want me to book them? They sound fanatstic, amazingly brilliant. It's going to be.... brilliant....what is it?
What's a Tory??????Harpik would not be of use in Liverpool as his policies are down the toilet
That's not "Professor" Redmond, it's actor Geoffrey Palmer in a fright wig.
Chucklebutty, laconic communication is for text messages. Try to be more expansive.6/10. See me.
Even Wirralites would gladly pay INCREASED tunnel charges to come over the water and pay tribute to the All-Glorious Harpik!
I was only listening to them on my headphones the other day, doctors advice actually, he said something about my head needing La Conic irrigation. Didn't work!
Would you buy a used car off this man who calls himself .'Dig'?
Ten years ago I could probably have given you a handful of names for a suitable mayor but not today. I can't think of anybody worthy of the title...
Why can't you do paragraphs?
Howe could we forget?
What do we want? PARAGRAPHSWhen do we want 'em? NOW!
Could The Prof be Mayor? His anonymity would be no more. Will I still be employed as your stationery manager Prof? I'm not happy with E.Lex's comments that The Prof is the only sane choice after stating my interests in an earlier rant. I like to think that I'm sane. I've even got Ringo to write a song for my election campaign.
I'll vote for any candidate who promises us trams that we can smoke on.
Our paragraphs were take away in cost-cutting to do with the Capital of Culture. It is intended to even further limit social mobility in twenty-first century Britain.
Elected mayors are nothing but a beauty contest in which populist showman such as Boris Johnson or Ken Livingstone, or worse still populist bigots like the right-wing nutter in Doncaster have a natural advantage. Laz is right to compile such an unlikely list of useless candidates to show how ridiculous it would be.
Dearest people, I have been campaigning for Proffessor Chucklebutty to be mayor of Liverpool for over a year now, please join my facebook group to show your support, Chuckie is indeed the only candidate who cares and will get this City back on it's feet. He can also get cheap keys cut from his friend Mr Clack.CHUCKLEBUTTY FOR MAYOR OF LIVERPOOL
Chucklebutty can get cheap cars from his friend Dig also. He's never asked, but he can.
....but without the semicolons, just the br in the brackets. Works a treat
I'll do it, stickin up for all the scallies, lids and kiddas. Inabit boys!!
If Terry Christian is being mooted as Mayor of Manchester we need a rival in that same rich celeb vain. My brain has been in overdrive wobdering would be be good. Dean Sullivan sprung to mind. Then I thought we should really start to take this who subject seriously. We may be toytown, but Elected Mayor is not a toy job. So I think LC should start a serious campaign to see the truly remarkable Coleen Rooney put up for the job. She really would be good, and I am sure she would get a lot of support.
Chucklebutty is all very well but if you want a candidate who will bring dignity, pomp and circumstance to the office of Mayor of Liverpolitania then the man you need is plainly Crown Prince Harpik!A local member of royalty all-too-conscious of how standards have slipped over the last half-century, he can restore civic pride and make Greater Liverpool and no doubt give contributors to Liverpool Confidential their paragraphs and other formatting back!
Two tickets for me and the missus to see La Conic. You only have to look at where they were 10years ago-where were they?And I am passionate on this one Roger!
Impersonating a clergyman is a criminal offence you know.
Definitely Crown Prince Harpik gets my vote. The original leader of the city, he would return civic pride and style to a Liverpool blighted by horror Storey and his dreadful hair.
I would suggest checking out the Liverpool Subculture website but I won't as I suspect that may confuse you more Woolite.