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United are to play on the moon under Sharia law

A pair of important middle-aged men go mad one cold day in February

Published on February 8th 2008.


United are to play on the moon under Sharia law

Yesterday was ‘mad Thursday’.

Richard Scudamore suggested that Premier League clubs should play regular fixtures against each other in places such as Dubai, Los Angeles and Hong Kong. The Archbishop of Canterbury called for elements of Islamic Sharia law to be incorporated into British law. Both were apparently serious and neither had taken any medication or Class A drugs.

Earlier today, at a press conference at Cheadle Royal, Confidential can exclusively report, that the couple have decided to take things further.

“We suggest football matches on other planets and in other solar systems,” said Scudamore. “This is the only way we can ensure adequate revenues for football clubs. You have to understand that many clubs have been bought by overseas investors now desperately seeking cash to pay off their debts. The success of the Premier League means extra-terrestrials have a right to see live games, just as much as everybody else.”

“Loyal fans,” he added, “who have followed their team year in, year out, through thick and thin, and endless ticket price rises, have had things to themselves for far too long. In any case the price of a ticket to the moon will soon be under £2m.”

At the same conference the Archbishop said, “As the top Christian in the country, I like to evangelise in a very real sense for other faith groups in a series of long complicated sentences with very many sub-clauses. In this way I carefully ensure maximum distress and confusion in my own dwindling flock whilst provoking the very opposite reaction to the one I intended in other people, actually increasing religious and community tension and intolerance.”

Both Archbishop Rowen Williams and Premiership Chief Executive, Richard Scudamore, are from another planet.

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6 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

iwFebruary 8th 2008.

Does anybody take anything that beardywierdy wishywashy dress wearing liberal says seriously?

JerezFebruary 8th 2008.

The Archbishop has lost it. Religion has no place in modern legislative systems. That's what we fought long and hard to make sure, because we want equality before the law, not some priest, imam, village witch-doctor saying me must do something because of his version of mumbo-jumbo.

JimFebruary 8th 2008.

I mean principle of course.

JimFebruary 8th 2008.

Very funny, but then the underlining issues aren't. Does make you wonder what these two were on about. Williams in particular, he should know that we have secular laws in this country. Saying that some actually come from a supernatural source - as with Sharia - breaks that principal.

JinkiesFebruary 8th 2008.

Season tickets aren't that far off £2m a year anyway so moon games will actually be quite cheap when you think about it

CampbellFebruary 8th 2008.

Jereze I agree, but to achieve that we have to break the link between state as represented by the Crown and the Church of England as also represented by the Crown. Then when the seperation is complete can we tell religious types who will blow themselves and others up over perceived insults to their 1400 year old way of life that they will never have any authority in British Parliament.

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