You are here: Manchester Confidential › News.
Following influential think tank Policy Exchange's report that certain northern cities are 'beyond revival' (click here) comes another report that northern children should be farmed out to cockneys at the age of twelve. This will allow them to develop as good southerners and give them a better chance in life.
“Everybody knows that northern children speak in funny voices and always eat chips and coal in a climate of constant rain,” Professor U Genix of think tank Unelectable Again, says. “They really don't have any chance to better themselves. For example they find it very hard to get jobs in the City and embarass themselves holding knives and forks wrongly when they eat out. Taking children from their alcoholic parents at twelve and intensively farming them in the Home Counties would really give them a good gee up."
Boris Johnson, the Mayor of London told us, "Yes...er...very sensible idea, northern cities a bit of twaddle...turn them into golf courses. What about making Bradford a great little cycle track for me old mate Dave Cameron. Blimey..or even..I say, shall I try to be the first elected mayor of Liverpool...they..er...love me, don't they. Is Sunderland even in Britain?"
Call me a sinner, call me a saint - We're the home of the Queen, you've got Wayne and Colleen
Follow the van - Speak proper like wot I do, would ya?
Apples and pears - Stop chewing lard.
Like what you see? Enter your email to sign up for our newsletters which are chock-a-block with more great reviews, news, deals and savings.
Repeating,without any evidence the same point that socialism = public services is hardly…
Read moreYou absolutely right,I hate all these bloody nimbys stopping development and progress.Of course if…
Read moreManchester's size and climate isn't dissimilar to Rotterdam or Dusseldorf but the city is held back…
Read moreStraying off the point again David, which is that investing in public services is socialist but as…
Read more© Mark Garner t/a Confidential Direct 2018
Privacy | Careers | Website by: Planet Code | SEO by The eWord
Bradford of the future - WANT.
Kev P I was all set to go until you mentioned there not being any grass - where will I walk my whippet? Now pass me a jellied eel, roll out the barrel and raise a toast to the old queen mum - gawd bless 'er.
Haha, I love this! I imagine there is already a plan for it deep in tory HQ for when the electorate are stupid enough to vote them in again! Well, I'd love to stay and chat but I can't go on with this miserable, coal eating life anymore. I'm off to London where the grass is greener! (Do they have any grass?)
What was reall yodd about that report is that, last time I looked Bradford is run by a Tory council. Not because the urban ultra-poor have gone all Sam Smiles, but because the council is dominated by the rural (and very rich) villages and towns around. So, exactly what does the think-tank mean by 'Bradford'? Or any of the other cities for that matter.