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New Year wish list

It's the start of a new decade so what could make our fair city an even better place in 2010?

Published on January 4th 2010.


New Year wish list

It’s back to work time after two weeks of indulgence as the nation closed down. At what cost to UK PlC? It doesn't matter. Simply add it onto the bail-out bill our great, great grandchildren will be paying in the 22nd century.

So let’s not think of things wintry and bleak. Look on the bright side here in Liverpool with a no-particular order wish list for 2010.

1. The Echo Arena to become the country’s first teetotal gig venue, with a huge swear box for those who utter words not in keeping with Queen’s English. And that includes the performers. It will keep everybody away from the place, but importantly, smoking teenage louts like Lily Allen will not go there.

2. Switch the headquarters of Cunard from Southampton, back to its ancestral home of Liverpool. Then we can do what we like with our own cruise terminal, which should keep the parochial Southampton bashers happy as we bus cruise passengers straight out of Liverpool and up to the Lake District for the day before their cruise liner sets sail for, er, Southampton.

3. Organise a wrestling contest to decide who will be top political dog after the local elections in May. Step forward for round one – young Warren Bradley and his one time mentor, Michael Storey. Let Flora Clucas be the referee in this combat. The winner will be the best arm twister within the group.

4. Dismantle LDL and return to the days when nice local civil servants handled your concerns about unemptied bins and broken street lamps, allowing you to share words with the managers and officers, now so remote from the front-line trenches.

5. Organise coach trips for visitors who can see what difference £62m government money has made to Kensington's regeneration, with unmarked before and after lists to catch them out.

6. Accept our expensive presence at the Shanghai Expo is a well deserved six-month jolly and invite our senior council officers who have travelled to the Far East to chip in towards the cost of their freebie trips.

7. Send the entire team of council traffic wardens to man the Liverpool display at Expo on the basis that six months of free parking in Liverpool will contribute real millions to the city economy.

8. Organise a ballot between Liverpool Confidential and Manchester Confidential to decide if our new pan-regional morning/evening paper, owned by Trinity Mirror, should be called the Manchester and Liverpool Evening News or whether London TM shareholders should have a say in renaming it The Oop North Bugle.

9. Build the world’s biggest video screen at the Albert Dock where a picture can be projected showing the view of the Three Graces before a Doctor Who-style eruption occurred and threw up the Neptune development at Mann Island.

10. Ask the Pope to declare Ken Dodd the Patron Saint of Liverpool.

11. Forget Superlambananas or g-penquins, fill the streets of Liverpool in 2010 with a flock of Liver Birds, each designed to resemble one of our councillors and MPs – and hope they all fly away at the end of their feeding season.

12. Leave one empty wish for you, dear reader, to fill in....

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markthefotographerJanuary 4th 2010.

Put a roof on Liverpool One?

SleepeazieJanuary 4th 2010.

Let's all hiberntate in Liverpool for six months to avoid being embroiled in a war of words, or fists, over the local and national election. It's gonna be hell out there fore a while.

OrvilleJanuary 4th 2010.

I wish I could fly right up to the sky, but I can't.

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