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New Italian restaurants banned (cup cakes too)

Shock decision as the city centre reaches 'capacity'

Published on March 31st 2010.


New Italian restaurants banned (cup cakes too)

THIS IS AN APRIL FOOL'S DAY STORY

All new Italian restaurant openings in the city centre are to be banned from May.

After more than seven new Italian restaurants opened in the last six months, the Council, working with the police, has officially declared capacity has been reached.

Signor Dolmio of the Italian Food Society said: “It is a scandal. This is discrimination. Do you want extra anchovies with that?” Several local Italian pizza chefs are said to have topped themselves.

“In some streets doctors tell me there are so many Italian restaurants that residents and visitors are going pizza mad,” Councillor Pat Karnetti said. “We really need to control the unfettered profusion of Italian restaurants while we can.”

“In short, we have to nip this in the bugatti,” Councillor Justone Karnetto continued. “It makes it look like we can't be bothered with our national and regional cuisine: Indian food. The final straw came last week when various proprietors asked for permission to open a Pizza Express in the Cathedral, a Bella Pasta in the Town Hall and an Ego restaurant the whole length of Cross Street.”

Jamie Oliver, who was due to open an Italian restaurant called Jamie's Italian in the old Midland/HSBC bank on King Street, said: “I can't Adam and Eve it. I'm nipping up the apples and pears next door to see me brief. Call me a sinner, call me a saint, but the trouble and strife was looking forward to her old man bringing some proper tucker with a bit of how's your father cooking to Manchester. Put a smile on people's boat races.”

Signor Dolmio of the Italian Food Society said: “It is a scandal. This is discrimination. Do you want extra anchovies with that?”

Several local Italian pizza chefs are said to have topped themselves.

“And it doesn't stop here,” said Councillor Pietro Calamari. “The ban on new Italian restaurants will start in May, and from June we'll also be banning cup cakes from the city centre on the grounds of haven't we had enough already?”

Mrs Tricia Sweetsweet, 46, twirling a ribbon round her finger and smiling in a really cute way, said, “It really is a terrible bother to banny-wan our cupcakeys. The Council's being a great big bully. It's nice for us womenfolk to have something to do while our men are out coal-mining.”

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10 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

Elizabeth10581April 1st 2010.

APRIL FOOL!!!!!

CheesemanApril 1st 2010.

Cheese

AgricolaApril 1st 2010.

What a great idea

Rob CotterillApril 1st 2010.

If only...

AnonymousApril 1st 2010.

Yes Yes - kick all them grease balls and their smarmy two faced service out of the city! you've a hada onea spicya meata balla -- you'vea hada dem all-a!

DechApril 1st 2010.

Thank you. Great idea

MadonnaApril 9th 2010.

It's still a great idea

AgricolaApril 9th 2010.

It is

ClarckAugust 19th 2011.

Italian restaurant where?i know only 2/3 Italian in Manchester san carlo cicchetti destino the rest I will not call Italian but frozen food restaurant we need an agency to make sure that only place with a proper Italian chef and some italian on the floor with freshfood can be called Italian restaurant ,we have many chain that are just rubish from frozen food to pakistany/italian food that s crazy anyone can open a place and call italian food but doesn t make this a original italianbut,just a fake frozen chinese food takeway what a shame........I wish people wake up and start to avoid those big chain that makes billion with fake food and fake name if I was in charge I will close them all......

AnonymousAugust 20th 2011.

Definitely not playing with full deck. Or too many sneaky Limocellos' from the back of the bar?

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