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Major Breakthrough in Cocoa Rooms Robbery!

Published on April 6th 2006.

After reporting the breaking news last week about an armed robbery at The Cocoa Rooms (click here for the original article), newly initiated crime fighter Gordo has received a plea for assistance from Chief of Police Michael “Boulevardier” Todd:

Gordo, a boulevardier? When I read your piece, I wondered, was this a first for a police chief to be called? I know we often get called a lot of things, some less printable! A quick internet search revealed that I was beaten to it by a certain Bill Bratton from the NYPD and now the LAPD. I didn't feel quite so bad then, I know him reasonably well and at least we both have in common that we want to clear up crime and make the streets safer! So, if you have got any more info on the robbery... Michael Todd, GMP Chief Constable.

In response, Mikey Baby, we can reveal that Gordo has recently received an abusive email that we feel may be of some interest to you. Gordo wasn’t planning to publish this as he didn’t want to run the risk of being jumped by a gang of tracksuited youths on his way home, but he feels confident that he can rely on the protection of Greater Manchester Police in return for this valuable piece of evidence.

We have reason to believe that the robbery was something to do with local scally Stu Naylor, who resides at 22 Scag House, Scag Lane, Eccles, Salford. The surprisingly computer literate scallywag threatened Gordo over email last week with the following abusive communication:

Eeearr, me an the eccles (ov salford) massive want you no marks to understand that we aint chavs like it says under that picture, were maineads, and we don't where shell suits, we aint bin dippin scousers, we do smash n grabs and armed blags. so get it right or we will be on the phone to claims direct after making you shunt the back of us at a roundabout, muppets! Stu Naylor

Naturally, Gordo is fearful for his safety after disclosing this important evidence, but hopes that it will assist in GMP’s continuing mission to make Manchester’s streets safer.

If anybody can assist further in solving this heinous crime, knows Stu Naylor or any of his hoodlum friends, please contact Gordo immediately in the strictest confidence.

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