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Farm gates

John Nuttall, a Tyke himself, reveals how Bill Gates is a closet Yorkshireman

Published on August 12th 2008.


Farm gates

David Glover, a geneticist based in Halifax has discovered that Bill Gates is, in fact, a Yorkshireman. Whilst Glover was researching Puritan families that fled Calderdale in the seventeenth century, he came across one Abraham Halstead, a clothier from Northowram. Abraham's son, Jonas, emigrated from the Halifax area (and who can blame him?) in 1635. He moved to Massachusetts then New York where he became a land speculator.

The Halifax church where Bill's eleven times removed great grandfather was baptised sent off a begging letter asking for a donation towards repairs. Bill, who recently retired to devote himself to giving away his billions to worthy causes, has yet to reply.

Obviously the Yorkshire 'careful' gene was passed down the genetic line as one set of Jonas's descendants, including Bill's maternal grandfather, became bankers in Seattle. For those not familiar with the Yorkshire dialect, 'careful' is a euphemism for 'tight as a duck's arse'.

Seizing on this ancestral connection, the Halifax church where Bill's eleven times removed great grandfather was baptised sent off a begging letter asking for a donation towards repairs.

Bill, who recently retired to devote himself to giving away his billions to worthy causes, has yet to reply. Maybe the email got lost in one of Windows' habitual crashes?

Having myself grown up not far from Halifax, it's easy to see how Bill might come from Yorkshire stock, given the popularity of sheep love in those parts. In fact, some years ago, my local paper proudly ran a front page story about a local caught in flagrante delicto with a cow. Regrettably, the animal had to be destroyed as it broke its neck trying to lean around and kiss him (Ok, I made up the last bit). But it is true that on his release from prison the perpetrator had to leave town unable to bear the constant mooing in the local pubs.

So perhaps those horns that geeks love to attach to Bill's head via Photoshop are not demonic after all. I suppose it would explain the cloven hoofs too.

Just remember, the next time you get computer rage when a valuable piece of work vanishes from your PC, you've got some cloth-capped, whippet-loving billionaire to blame.

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