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The Taste Test: Greggs v Greenhalgh's

Schofield puts the baking giants through their paces

Written by . Published on December 16th 2011.

The Taste Test: Greggs v Greenhalgh's

"Oh my God," squealed Lynda Moyo. "It's all down to the gingerbread men."

Then she started crying.

That's the level of tension you get when two fully-fledged giants of any discipline go head to head.

Barca v Real. Utd v City. Ali v Frazier.

Thanks to the good people of Greggs and Greenhalgh's - who agreed to put themsleves up for the challenge - we had a pile of pasties to blind taste test.

Editor, food critic, bon viveur, myth-maker and jay-walker Jonathan Schofield donned his smartest tasting suit (normally he just wears a massive kaftan) and stared nervously at four plates.

Each bakery was to be judged on the following.

A cheese pasty; a sausage roll; a gingerbread man; a jam doughnut and a festive mince pie.

The food was on unmarked plates, giving Schofield no clue as to which was from where.

The Judging BeginsThe Judging Begins

First up was the pasty. Greenhalgh's pasty was pastey in colour, but the cheese goo in the middle was solid and sturdy. Greggs was better-looking but had a vicious and angry cheese-filling that scared Schofield. Greenhalgh's take an early lead.

Then the second savoury; the sausage roll. A staple of any good bakery. The tables were turned. Greggs had a peppery filling and a flaking crust as opposed to a tasteless fool of a Greenhalgh's roll, that refused to split properly. This resulted in the full sausage filling lolling grotesquely out of one end of the split pastry like the member of an aroused dog as the beast suddenly turns over. Greggs all the way.

Onto the sweet stuff. Time for a jam doughnut. The Greggs had the better dough, the Greenhalghs had the better jam, the Greggs jam splattered out frighteningly over the table at one point. A tie.

It's Christmas, so it must be mince pies. Gregg's mad home-made affair looked a bit pathetic against the engineered lines of the Greenhalgh's mincer but it carried the better flavour. A Gregg's win. 

2-1 to Greggs. 

"Oh my God," squealed Lynda Moyo. "It's all down to the gingerbread men to see whether its a win or a draw."

Then she started to cry. 

We'd reached crunch time. Literally. 

Lynda Moyo Starts To Get Emotional Over The Trial AheadLynda Moyo Starts To Get Emotional 

The gingerbread men were squaring off against each other, toe to toe. Apart from they have no toes. In fact, one of them didn't even have legs. One had a hat and scarf. But anyway...

This was no contest. The Gregg's gingerbread man's buttons were all wrong, he was hollow-eyed. Greenhalgh's offering had a scarf, a natty hat and proper eyes. Worse for Greggs you couldn't even taste any ginger. It was a shallow, pale ghost of a gingerbread man. A gingerless wraith.


A draw then.

But wait. Right at the start there had been the forgotten visual appeal test. Greenhalgh's offerings had tipped the balance way back then, being generally more colourful and better designed.

So the final score was 3-2.

To Greenhalgh's.

Well done to those good people. And a big thanks to both Greggs and Greenhalgh's for bringing a load of food to the office and for putting yourselves up to the challenge.

Who's next?

The ContestantsThe Contestants

Now Let's Think Of The Philosophical Implications Of All ThisNow Let's Think Of The Political And Philosophical Implications Of This?

Do You Want This, No Do YouDo You Want This, No, Do You?

The Splat Of Jam Hitting The Plate Made People Reel Even In Neighbouring BuildingsThe Splat Of Jam Hitting The Plate Made People Reel Even In Neighbouring Buildings

A Controlled Performance But The Dough Is LackingA Controlled Performance But The Dough Is Lacking

Schofield Is Puzzled - Frightened EvenSchofield Is Puzzled - Frightened Even

Lapse In Button Execution Puts The Greggs Challenge In DoubtLapse In Button Execution Puts The Greggs' Challenge In Doubt

There's A Winner In The Gingerbread Man CategoryThere's A Definite Winner In The Gingerbread Man Category

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6 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

Helen RamsbottomDecember 16th 2011.

I think we should be looking at some caption competitions from your shots.

Bernadette KellyDecember 16th 2011.

At least your jam splatter hit the plate...mine landed on my sweater. Good thing I opted for the jam-esque colour this morning... blended in nicely.

StephenDecember 18th 2011.

The good old Greggs Cheese & Onion Pasty can be a real treat on a cold afternoon when out and about. However you really have to have your wits about you unless you want 'pasty dandruff' all down your front?

A few weeks ago, in Bury, I walked past a 'Nail Bar' kind of establishment and looked in to see a young woman with one hand being manicured, whilst she munched on a pasty with the other. Pure class!

Andy VoDecember 18th 2011.

In this economic climate, there can only be one winner and that's the Pound Bakery. Any two pies, pasties or sasuage rolls for £1.

AnonymousDecember 20th 2011.

Greenhalgh's are stocked by Booths. Greggs are not. Go figure.

MagurdracDecember 21st 2011.

The only 2 things Greggs do well are mince pies and festive bakes... the other 40+ weeks of the year I wouldn't bother.

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