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The Burton Arms: How Not To Market A Pub

Sleuth's Guide To Fear (Or Modern Paranoia Meets Health And Safety)

Published on October 12th 2011.

The Burton Arms: How Not To Market A Pub

SLEUTH has a positive outlook on life.

So the Burton Arms on Swan Street was a shock.

While enjoying your pint you don't need to be bombarded with neg-head madness about things that will probably never happen

He went into the late-Georgian pub to enjoy a quiet pint of Joseph Holt and was surrounded by a group of rough threatening characters - these took the form of numerous posters warning people about illegal activity.

He called the pub a couple of days later and asked them what they were playing at.

"There are about 20-30 posters in your tiny pub," said Sleuth, "warning people about being barred for life for illegal activity, for selling drugs and so on. There are signs telling people not to get a drink if under 18, of not smoking. You even have signs warning people to beware pickpockets. Are you the most violent and crime ridden pub in the land?"

Diane, the landlady, thought for a while before replying: "Not at all, we're a good pub, with lots of locals, we have very little trouble. We have to put the signs up by law."

"Maybe a couple behind the bar, a couple elsewhere," said Sleuth. "But you don't have to festoon the pub with so many they look like twisted Christmas decorations. I was just in the Castle and the Crown and Kettle pubs round the corner and neither pub made me feel I was in such danger. Indeed I can't remember any warning signs."

"That surprises me, we have to have these signs up," said Diane.

Fact. She doesn't. She needs some bureaucratic pieces of idiot nonsense as part of the licensing agreement. But she doesn't need more than twenty. 

Burton Arms Manchester
Ah what a world though.

Diane seems to genuinely believe that she needs to wallpaper her otherwise charming pub with signs that immediately make people feel uncomfortable. But while enjoying your pint you don't need to be bombarded with neg-head madness about things that will never happen.

Sleuth's going to sneak in and replace all the signs with others saying, 'The world is beautiful', 'Make love, not war', 'There are gold ships and silver ships but the best ships are friendships'.

Thinking againg that would be worse.

Still we need a revolution against signs telling us not to do this, not to do the other.

Tear down the fences, tear down the warnings. Let's liberate ourselves.


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7 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

AnonymousOctober 12th 2011.

I'm still not sure what they do about any illegal activity, can you get her to clarify?

GezzabelleOctober 12th 2011.

Love that you've used the neg-head phrase! Let us all be juice-makers!

SpencerSpurchOctober 12th 2011.

I think the reason they have so many warnings is that people used to come in via the back door that opens on to Foundry Lane and dig smack in the bogs. Shame as the pub is a really good place and the locals and bar staff are all decent sorts.

CKRISGOctober 13th 2011.

Lock the back door then, putting a sign up will not deter smackheads.

1 Response: Reply To This...
WoksmugglerOctober 17th 2011.

Probably can't - Health 'n' Safety, Fire exit or the like....

SpencerSpurchOctober 13th 2011.

You sure ? One of my mates packed up after reading a don't do it sign ;op

AnonymousFebruary 15th 2013.

I know that area of Manchester well ,unfortunately- got to watch your back coz a supposedly "decent sort" will have an eye on your wallet - alot of the folk live sad lives-been nowhere and still going nowhere!-poor buggers live their lives in "tunnel-vision" sickening really-they worship Man -U or City ,beat-up their long-suffering wives + still expect a Sunday roast!

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