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Walkabout Bar: The Food Reviewed

Nicole Kidman, Hugh Jackman, Elle McPherson and Shane Warne aren't impressed

Published on November 21st 2013.


Walkabout Bar: The Food Reviewed
 

THE reason

A little while ago a reader said she loved Confidential but thought there “were too many words and not enough pictures” which was a problem because she wasn’t “really a fan of reading”.

As we like to appeal to a cross-section of Mancunians we've done a series of photomontage reviews including this one of Red Hot World Buffet on Blackfriars Street a couple of years ago.

This time to mark the start of the Ashes cricket tests in Australia we've invited four well-known Aussies - Elle McPherson, Nicole Kidman, Shane Warne and Hugh Jackman  -to be our guest reviewers. They are reviewing that well-known Quay Street establishment Walkabout of course. 

There's a little rhyme with each picture – an idea stolen from the old Rupert the Bear cartoons. These reviews are another example of Manchester's cutting edge pioneering spirit, surely to be measured against the 25 Nobel prize winners from the University of Manchester.

The review

(Click here to add text)

As the Ashes begin four Aussie friends in the city are excited,

The men cry, “Let’s go to Walkabout and all get inebriated.”

Says Nicole to Elle, “This place is ugly and empty, like an outback shed.”

But Warne replies, “Ah quit moaning, it sells beer and we’ll get fed.”

Comic 6

First up starters, plates of peri peri wedges and chicken chilli strips.

Wedges are drab but there's a problem that really makes them flip. 

The plates have been washed but not dried, the friends are upset.

The chicken on sticks are dry on top but beneath, cold water wet.

Comic 7

Elle picks up her chicken burger and starts to munch,

"It's just a dry chicken breast in a bun, a very poor lunch.

"Shame I can't stop the supermodel smile," she beams at Hugh.

"After so much catwalk grinning, it set like this in '92."

Comic 2


Warne looked at his food, said, "I don't want to offend you girlies

"But this pair of 'dogs are stacked like Liz Hurley."

But it soon turned to tears, Warne's buns were moist at the base

Soggy bread, just like the chicken, they'd been put on wet plates.

Comic 4

Nicole next to Shane discovered a much better bet 

She's found the halloumi wrap is dryer, not soaking wet.

"This tastes quite good," she says as she chews.

"I even prefer it to my ex, Tom Cruise."

Comic 3

Meanwhile Jackman's having a problem with his roo burger...

"This food isn't nice," he says, "it isn't even funny.

"Dry, over-cooked, makes me want to throw up in the dunnie."

Jackman throws down his knife in a fuming rage 

"Look out," cries Warney, "He's starting to change."

Comic 9

McPherson says with a smile, "You're taking Movember too far."

Wolverine starts to text, "aargh", "aaaargh" and "aaaaaaaargh."

Comic 1

"I knew that would happen," says Warne pulling a face.

"Even these puddings are a fair dinkum disgrace."

"The cheesecake tastes plastic, the jam's too runny

"Like the rest of the food it all tastes funny.

"And the meringue is flat in a frightening Pavlova."

The Aussie chums all sigh, “For Walkabout, it’s over.” 

(Click here to add text)

Wolverine sums up. "It's clear what's the deal

"Walkabout has a particular lunchtime appeal.

"It's for when I'm a mutant, with my drinking mates,

"Watching footy and acting like apes."

ALL SCORED CONFIDENTIAL REVIEWS ARE IMPARTIAL AND PAID FOR BY THE MAGAZINE.  

Walkabout, Quay Street, City centre, M3 3HN.

Rating: 8/20 (remember venues are rated against the best examples of their type - see yellow box below - so in this instance we're talking comparing chippies with chippies)

Food: 2/10 (chicken strips 0 (£4.45), peri peri wedges 2 (£4.45), chicken burger 3 (£6.95), roo burger 3 (£8.95), hotdogs 3 (£5.95), Halloumi 5 (£3.95), cheesecake 1, pavlova 2)
Service: 4/5 
Ambience: 2/5

PLEASE NOTE: Venues are rated against the best examples of their kind: fine dining against the best fine dining, cafes against the best cafes. Following on from this the scores represent: 1-5 saw your leg off and eat it, 6-9 stay in and read a book, 10-11 if you must, 12-13 if you’re passing,14-15 worth a trip,16-17 very good, 17-18 exceptional, 19 pure quality, 20 perfect. More than 20, we get carried away.

Walkabout is nothing to shout aboutWalkabout is nothing to shout about

Soggy, overdone dogsSoggy, overdone dogs

Img_0085Weird wet starters

Halloumi - if there were a best dish this was itHalloumi - if there were a best dish this was it

Horrible cheap jam on a factory produced cheesecakeHorrible cheap jam on a factory produced cheesecake

Frightening PavlovaFrightening Pavlova

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11 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

bigbaddomNovember 21st 2013.

I used to work there, I got the food half price at all walkies and still didn't wanna pay for it

Lorraine ByrneNovember 21st 2013.

yeah we got half price burgers there a while ago, absolutely disgusting, and don't think there was any real meat in the burgers. Wouldn't eat there if I was paid to!

1 Response: Reply To This...
FoodieNovember 21st 2013.

I bet you will

Georgina Hague shared this on Facebook on November 21st 2013.
AnonymousNovember 21st 2013.

The food is really bad there.Only go in to watch the live sport, had it's time now Walkabout.The flies in the men's gents aren't a pretty sight too.

AnonymousNovember 21st 2013.

'Outback' in the US is much better, but theme pubs and bars have had their day. Very early nineties.

AnonymousNovember 28th 2013.

Pseudo-intellectual pretension all over this piece, wouldn't be so bad if it was actually funny.

Raymond SmithApril 5th 2014.

This is a unique and strange review of a bar. From the photos, it appears that the bar is too big for my tastes; it looks as if it is in a mall. Best bar and restaurant in Singapore www.kezhan.sg/…

AnonymousJuly 7th 2014.

If I am going to a bar and restaurant then I would like to sit at the bar. I do not see one here. Top 10 spanish restaurant in Singapore www.parrilla.sg/…

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