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Massive pastille scandal: hold all other news

Sleuth is driven Rowntree bend

Published on March 15th 2011.

Massive pastille scandal: hold all other news

Sleuth sat down to tuck into one of his favourite guilty pleasures this week, fruit pastilles.

Rowntree’s have recently released their ‘Randoms’ range and Sleuth can’t help wonder if this is a ruse to cover-up to their consistency inefficiencies.

Opening the packet out to allow easy-snaffling access, he was horrified to find a hideous lack of consistency in the ratios of each colour.

Sleuth is strictly systematic in his approach to eating fruit pastilles, eating the least favoured colours first, saving the best until last.

The order goes as follows – orange, yellow, purple, red then green.

Imagine Sleuths dismay when opening out the packet when out of 15 pastilles, there were no fewer than seven purple and just two green.

While it’s true that purple are mid-range in Sleuth’s hierarchy of enjoyment, it does not excuse Rowntree’s disregard for consistency.

Sleuth was lucky this time, but imagine his dismay if he opened a packet to find seven oranges? Everybody is different so imagine the emotional turmoil of someone else getting this packet, someone who, for example, favoured the purples least?

And what of the reds?

Not one solitary one. It’s a disgrace.

What if they were Sleuth’s favourites?

Rowntree’s have recently released their ‘Randoms’ range and Sleuth can’t help wonder if this is a ruse to cover-up to their consistency inefficiencies.

Is nothing sacred?

(Sleuth is aware in a world of sorrow and pain, where tragedy runs amok amongst the innocents, that this may seem an unbelievably small and peripheral issue. In that case have you seen how much coverage football gets, talk about peripheral? And in any case Sleuth had been so looking forward to his pastille pastime proceding untrammeled by worry of any kind.)

Sleuth (click here) is a sideways glance at the city every week. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to print. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows.

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13 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

DescartesMarch 14th 2011.

What kind of mentalist prefers red and green Fruit Pastilles to purple? Indeed, what of all things tastes better in red or green than it does in purple? - certainly not Fruit Pastilles that's for sure.

It's like stereo's sounding better when they're black, or cars with stripes being capable of faster speeds, purple always tastes better.

Pastille PimpernelMarch 14th 2011.

It's obvious why there are more purple ones. It's because in the Fruit Pastille world, purple is everyones favourite. This is a common fact and to question it is obviously nonsense. QED.

Pastille powerMarch 14th 2011.

Manchester is the pastille and guts of the North: George Ohwell

Anon TooMarch 14th 2011.

I blame the cuts introduced by the coalition government.

An outrage.

Tristan13374March 14th 2011.

You're dead wrong, fibbonaci himself couldn't have come up with a better ratio of flavours.

Eddy RowntreeMarch 14th 2011.

Sort of puts everything happening in Japan into perspective doesnt it?

Pastille swapperMarch 15th 2011.

I go into shops dressed in a hoodie and swap the quantities around. It gives me you. And meaning.

Elephant MemoryMarch 15th 2011.

When Rowntree´s was an independent firm, fruit pastilles were hand selected for each packet, a process which almost guaranteed an even selection. Shortly after buying Rowntree´s, one of Nestle´s cost-cutting measures was to mechanise the selection process. As a result, some rolls now do not contain a reasonably even distribution of flavours.

This crime against children and website editors is minor compared to Nestle´s downgrading of Rowntree´s chocolate recipe. Kit Kats, Yorkies, Rolos etc have never tasted the same since the chocolate became grainier, less blended and generally cheaper tasting. Hints of Hershey anyone?

And this rant wouldn´t be complete without mentioning the Kit Kat wafer losing its pleasant snap, the loss of the Kit Kat´s traditional foil and paper wrapping, and the disappearance of the Smartie tube and collectible plastic cap.

Eddy ShuttleworthMarch 15th 2011.

Next you'll be telling me they have taken the cardboard out of Bounty bars.

old favsMarch 15th 2011.

not the cardboard from Bounty bars, never!! does anyone know if you can still buy kunzal cakes anywhere?

Lady JaneMarch 15th 2011.

Descartes, I'm the kind of mentalist that prefers the green pastilles to any of the others in the pack. They taste sublime and are a real joy to enjoy. That lovely lime juice washing over your tongue........mmmmmmmmmmm..... lead me to the pastilles now!!!

MissMarch 15th 2011.

I miss waggon wheels.

OLD FAVSMarch 15th 2011.

You sometimes see wagon wheels here in Lagos but either my hands have grown or they've shrunk

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