Welcome to Manchester Confidential
Reset Password
The Confidential websites will be undergoing routine updates. This may cause the sites to go offline. We apologise in advance for any inconvenience.

You are here: Manchester ConfidentialFood & Drink.

Gordo’s Bits ‘n’ Bobs – June 2013

The Fat One has been painting the town red and making bouncers see red in the process

Written by . Published on June 11th 2013.


Gordo’s Bits ‘n’ Bobs – June 2013

TNQ

Jobe Ferguson owns one of Manchester's best restaurants with his gaff in the Northern Quarter, the, err, what's that name again? TNQ? 

Jobe Ferguson Staff TrainingJobe Ferguson Staff TrainingWhat a name. For the first time in seven years, Gordo has discovered that it's called 'The Northern Quarter Restaurant and Bar'. He could have sworn that it had the word 'Grill' in there somewhere. As well as a few capitals slotted about. Now, call Gordo a dirty old letch (not the first time this week, he can proudly say), but that's a bit of a mouthful.



The reason for all this is after a drinks party down at 47 King Street, another snappily named independent, Gordo went with one of his freelancers for a quick snack. The main course was Barry Pugh's roast fennel scented suckling pig with Bury black pudding, slow roast onion and grain mustard. 

Another name that slips off the tongue.

It was, however, near perfect. 

Jess Attempting To Head Gordo Off...JessJobe is either very lucky, or really talented at picking his staff. Gordo likes to think the former. Because as a brigade, Chef Fielden and his team are brilliant.

Best of all is the fittest front of house gaffer in Manchester, Jessica Ferguson, who Gordo has been letching over for twelve years, starting when she was on the door at the then normal Circle Club before it became Testosterone Central Circle Club.

As you will see from the photo, Jess now dresses to put Gordo off.

It 'ain't happening Jess, one day you will fall, willing prey to Manchester's greatest lover. As long as you give him an hour to warm up.

In the meantime, Gordo will have more pig please.

Proper PigProper Pig

Simon Rimmer

The bad tempered bald TV-bothering chef and pal-of-Gordo, Simon Rimmer, has done something every bloke wants to do. Brew his own beer. 

With the help of Robinsons brewery in Stockport he has 'designed' three, the kicker being that each one is made to go with food; chicken, steak or curry.

Bricktop Wondering Where The Pigs AreMr Bricktop Now Gordo knows a Rimmer wheeze when he sees one, because the word 'greedy' was coined for him. A Gordo tip is not to be caught standing between him and a bag of money.

So Gordo went along to the launch at the swish new visitor centre at Robinsons in Stockport (well worth a trip), with his pals, Mr and Mrs Bricktop. 

The first shock was the state of Greedy's kisser. It had a beard all over the lower half. Not a good look that Simon.

The second shock was the beer was really, really good. The whole idea of each being for a certain food worked. Brilliant, really brilliant. You can buy them here.  www.simonrimmerbeers.co.uk

Send my cases to Confidential Towers please, Mr Robinson. 

Simon And Beer Label LovinitSimon And Beer Label Lovinit

One of the benefits of Gordo’s job.  Aldo Zilli.

Gordo is forever having people say “ooh, you’ve got the best job in the world”. He has to agree with them. One good reason is getting invited to Marcello’s new menu tastings at San Carlo. Last week it was at Cicchetti and the cook was TV chef Aldo Zilli, who can cook a bit.

Aldo comes from the Abruzzi region of Italy and is bringing some of his favourite recipes to the restaurant this month.

Marcello is really fanatical about sourcing from the region, but even Gordo was a little queasy about Marcello’s offer of the latest milk fed morsel about to be crisped off in the oven…

Luca Doesn't Understand The Danger He Is InLuca Doesn't Understand The Danger He Is In

The NQ Street Party

Gordo spent a brilliant day at the Northern Quarter street party, culminating, after fourteen hours on the piss, in a visit to a bar that will remain nameless. After being a pompous twat for five minutes or so attempting to order a cocktail, the name of which he couldn’t remember, the barman refused to serve him. So far, so good.

The barman must have pressed the really really angry button under the bar. Twenty seconds later a bouncer, looking like an extra in the movie From Hell came steaming up the bar, grabbed Gordo by his right arm and dragged him back down it.

At this point, Gordo’s arm was thinking it had just been struck by lightning. That’s because it’s semi-paralyzed with nerve damage and after neuro-surgery doesn’t really like people patting it, let alone having someone the size of an American refrigerator try and pull it off. 

He asked the bouncer to let go. One thing about Gordo, as many a bouncer in town can testify to, Fatty knows when to walk.

This particular lunatic then snapped and literally threw Gordo through the door, giving him, what the Salford boys call, a ‘clip’ on the way down. That’s a right hook to the rest of you.

Now, Gordo dealt with this the next day. Our city today has the best bouncers in the world and he doesn’t want snappers in the system.

Gordo was surprised to hear the other side’s story off a couple of ‘the lads’ some three weeks later.

“Eh, Gordo, what’s this we hear about you giving a barmaid a clip, then getting walked out of (club) and then getting the poor sod the sack?”

Anyone else who is labouring under the miss-apprehension that Gordo can currently give anyone a slap with a withered right arm, send an email please.

Twitter and Gordo

From @Erniechef, head chef at Etrop Grange, being asked how business is after Gordo gave him a bad review:

@Erniechef: Since a review a few weeks ago by a man with taste buds like that of a dog that licks his balls & arse daily; we've been even busier. :-).

From @marcocabrelli, owner of Italia, Deansgate:

The restaurant had the bailiffs in to remove all the furniture a couple of weeks ago, resulting in the gaff getting closed 'for refurbishment'. Gordo, as @GordoManchester, tweeted this news.

Then came Mr Cabrelli’s considered reply:

@marcocabrelli: Mark (Gordo), It's not healthy to put tweets like that, if you want to discuss this place come and see me first. Please remove the tweets.

Needless to say, they haven't (been removed.) Confidential reports without fear nor favour. 

By the way Mr Cabrelli, Jonathan Schofield made Fatty do it. Gordo is currently on a long walking holiday in the Pyrenees and can't be contacted. However, Jonathan is back in the office today.

Soundbites

Champion charity mitherer Eleanor Wotherspoon on viewing Gordo's picture of his favourite twins, Bruce and Charlotte:

"If I had twins I'd sell one."

Not marriage material that girl.

Wotherspoon SophisticationWotherspoon Sophistication

From the narcissist food bother that is Confidential freelancer Lottie Moore on having had another bollocking off Gordo for being unladylike and flirting on Twitter:

"You know when you're constipated and you can't get rid of a turd? That's you," retaliates the champion foot stamper.

Not the best way of ensuring you get paid on time, that, @lottiemoore.

Lottie Moore Bad GirlLottie Moore Bad Girl

From top snapper Pip Rustage for the umpteenth time;

"No."

Gordo wouldn't mind, but he's been asking for so long now, if she said yes he'd have a fucking heart attack. www.piprustage.co.uk

Little Miss NoLittle Miss No

Happy Trails

Gordo

Follow fatty on Twitter @GordoManchester

Like what you see? Enter your email to sign up for our newsletters which are chock-a-block with more great reviews, news, deals and savings.

14 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

PaulJune 11th 2013.

are that Lottie Moore's fingers alright?

That Fluid BlokeJune 11th 2013.

she's a nurse, they will have been up a lot of bottoms

LottieJune 11th 2013.

Oi, it was the lighting alright?!

1 Response: Reply To This...
MaggieJune 11th 2013.

Quality!

MaggieJune 11th 2013.

Brilliant article Gordo, more please!

AnonymousJune 11th 2013.

Why were the bailiffs sent in?

2 Responses: Reply To This...
AnonymousJune 12th 2013.

non payment of something? Allegedly... Mind you this writer is remaining anonymous, Gordo is a braver man than me!

Clever TrevorJune 12th 2013.

Great pity though, the pasta in that place was awesome.

StephJune 12th 2013.

What the f**k is going on with Confidential recently? I don't understand what the point of the first story is, is it that Gordo is that stupid he's never realised what TNQ stands for or is it simply that the old letch fancies on of the front of house? Then the whole Italia tweet story also doesn't quite make sense. There's nothing to say that Gordo's tweet was accurate, perhaps the Mr Cabrelli wanted to set the story straight; something which we know Gordo likes to do when people start to question his business ethics and finances (see Guardian comments section).

3 Responses: Reply To This...
AnonymousJune 13th 2013.

It's a bit all over the place isn't it? I got increasingly more uncomfortable with the comments about women too.

Cleverer TrevorJune 13th 2013.

Guardian reader alert. Uncomfortable about comments on women? oh dearie me. Looks like Garner has been doing his revenge issue here, funny mind you. Was tld about his run in with the bouncer, when the owners ran through the Video footage they had a bloody fit.

HJ 2 BallsJune 13th 2013.

Those women of Gordo's are three proper victims Steph and Anonymous. One has two degrees and is FIT, one's in charge of The Princes Trust fundraising and can fight her way in and out of Big Hands and the last one is arguably the best photographer in the North West. Three complete push overs. The rest of us bow to Gordo or, The Lord as we know him, whatever's going on they all seem to like him and I see them quite a lot in my restaurant.

Poster BoyJune 13th 2013.

A load of old (lascivious) bollocks.

TheVoiceOfReasonJune 15th 2013.

This reads like the written equivalent of the person who can't stop talking because they like the sound of their own voice. Tries too hard to be funny / rude so it doesn't really work. Not clever enough to be pretentious. Stick to the unbiased reviews (not the 'paid' ones).

To post this comment, you need to login.Please complete your login information.
OR CREATE AN ACCOUNT HERE..
Or you can login using Facebook.

Latest Rants

Anonymous

Pita Pit are a weird one. Tasty but a bit pricey and I wish they'd just get on and provide you with…

 Read more
Gradyn Thompson

Pita Pit never again expect a PITAfully tiny amount of meat and loads of salad,overpriced and and…

 Read more
Anonymous

Isis cafe in Levenshulme do a great Irish breakfast.

 Read more
Anonymous

It's going to be wrap it up, far better.

 Read more

Explore The Site

© Mark Garner t/a Confidential Direct 2017

Privacy | Careers | Website by: Planet Code | SEO by The eWord