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Red Hot World Buffet Review
Snoop Dogg, Bjork, Damon Albarn, Sinead O'Connor: the world’s ground-breaking photomontage reviews
A little while ago a reader said that she loved Confidential but thought there “was a lot of words” which was a problem because she wasn’t “really a fan of reading”.
As we like to appeal to a cross-section of Mancunians here’s a photomontage review of Red Hot World Buffet on Blackfriars Street. It's the second one we've done after Hard Rock Cafe.
We've invited the four headliners at Manchester International Festival to guest review the place for us, Snoop Dogg, Damon Albarn, Sinead O'Connor and Bjork - sort of. There's a little rhyme with each picture – an idea stolen from the old Rupert the Bear cartoons.
Check out the last but one rhyme on this page for how much the waiter told us Red Hot World Buffet is turning over every week.
Is it as he claimed, currently the highest grossing restaurant in the country? Given it had a 150 yard queue outside it on a recent Saturday, he might just be right.
Prices are: lunch Mon-Fri £7.99; Sat, £8.99; Sun, £9.99: Evening Sun-Thurs £13.99; Fri and Sat £14.99).
THE REVIEW
At Red Hot World Buffet the trick is this. You're given a table,
order drinks, and then you eat as much as you're able.
It's like the Arndale Food Hall, a scrum of nosh all trying to please.
There's Tex-Mex, Sushi, Italian, British and Chinese .
Albarn is first, "There might be a queue, you might have to wait,
But you get seventeen different cultures aligned on a plate.
Sinnead goes next, comes back, looks worried, what should she do?
She stares at her food, pokes at it and sings nothing compares to stew.
Yet Björk likes some of the grub, rubs her belly makes a loud remark
“I’m really enjoying this pig, it's very good, I’d like you to call me Pjörk.”
Damon Albarn is angry, calls the manager over,
“This burger’s pneumatic, you've made it from rubber.
For the regions you represent this food is a slur
I can't tell Tex Mex from Indian - it's all a big blur."
Snoop pulls a face and starts to talk,
“There’s something horrible here, stuck on my fork.
It’s fatty, yet gooey, breaded and deep fried,
Jeez, I think it was possibly once alive.”
O’Conner gets real, “Snoop don’t fret, for filling it’s fine,
And is certainly cheap at seven ninety nine.
Of course drinks are extra and the place resembles a riot,
But go to Cafe Rouge in Spinningfields if you want somewhere quiet."
Pjörk starts to sing, "It's oh so quiet, it's oh so still
You're all alone and so peaceful until...."
"Oh shut up Pjörk," the chums all say, "you're happy about the brand,
Because the food seems bought in bulk from a store called Iceland."
"Hey, look," says Marinade O'Connor, "it's Snoop Doggy Dogg
with his floppy naany naan bread, going the whole hog."
“Did you like your food?” a waiter cheerily cries.
The chums look up, service at last, what a surprise.
“It’s anthropological in here, fun to people watch,
But the food can be cold and is not up to much.
Have you seen that curry across the way?
It looks like somebody's been sick in a tray."
The waiter shrugs and rubs his hands,
“Fair enough, but guess what?
And this is really Red Hot.
We think we’re the busiest restaurant now in the land.
Last week we took over a hundred and fifty grand."
Damon is thoughtful, forming a clever idea.
"Hey, friends, it's Manchester International Fest this year.
"Let's call the boss, Alex Poots, in his big festival tent
And tell him this place is ripe for an experimental event."
Red Hot World Buffet
Blackfriars Street
Manchester, M3 2EG
0161 819 1240
Rating: 9.5/20
Food: 2/10
Service: 2.5/5
Ambience: 5/5
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34 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.
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£150K a week. Wow.
Absolutely brilliant! Second picture of snoop - best bit of photoshopping I've ever seen. That's pure skill.
Nobody does things like this as well as Manchester Confidential. The right review for this ridiculous place
Evenings at £15 a head plus drinks (let's say a modest £5?) alone would put that at 7,500 visitors in a week, and it's bound to be more as lunch-times probably account for half the visitors and that's half price... Jesus.
And Headjack they are going to open another floor with 350 covers soon, effectively doubling the space.
But the review's right the food is shocking, nauseating in its quantity. The flavours are a mess. The spectacle of all the people chowing down is however pure genius.
It is what it is. You've got to embrace the Las Vegas style kitsch and spectacle of it all. The food isn't great but when compared against other all you can eat buffets, it is better than most offerings.
Genius
Ahahahahahaaa! Brill. Confirmed what I already suspected, though slightly concerned as several of my friends have said 'it's amazing'. Maybe I need to socialise with those possessing finer palettes...
Fantastic article.Please does anyone know of a decent buffet style restaurant in Manchester. Preferably an Oriental one that serves sushi too as my kids love it
Buffet City on Portland Street is really good, but I don't think they serve sushi.
Pan Asia in Chinatown do a great lunchtime buffet which includes sushi. It's a regular a la carte restaurant in the evening so the standard of food is above average when compared to other all you can eat places.
Anonymous, honestly you don't have to go there. Cheap restaurants the world over are busy. It comes with being cheap especially if they can combine that with a bit of excitement as here. There are superb places to eat in right across Greater Manchester. Let's not be so glum.
Anyone who not been to Vegas will think its a treat but its a far cry from Mandalay Bay Buffet
I've heard friends tell me this place is amazing as well... hmmm... doesnt sound like that sort of place I would ever entertain, however will probably end up there with visiting mates now as it'll have cost an arm and a leg to park!
Given it had a 150 yard queue outside it last Saturday??????? It was Shut last Friday Saturday Sunday Gas and Electrical Problems. ( Ha Ha)
Paul, bless you. We have a picture. But it could well have been the Saturday before. We'll change the word to recent, that work for you?
Funny. And accurate. Try it for people watching not for the fodder. Fodder is all it is.
Sums up Manchester's obsession with quantity over quality, and the reason why we are years away from a non pretentious, Michelin starred quality, experience. I said years ago that if I were setting up a restaurant in town, it would be a buffet. Depressing for any food lover, but Im going on Sunday regardless ;)
Spot on
Chris, I really disagree. Compare Manchester city centre to many European similar sized cities and in terms of mid-range quality and variety we do well. I enjoy my days and nights eating out in Manchester
And are you?
That's a hugely funny way of tackling these palces
Places
Lovely stuff. More for the cheap places please
I went here on Tuesday after hearing several great reviews!
stay away is all I can say, half the food stations are shut at lunch time the tex mex bar was empty portions are tiny and I spent a good part of the afternoon on the loo and the table was all sticky better to pay slighlty more for good quality food a lot of choice but the quality is not there.
Went on Thursday evening as a family celebration - GCSE results. Bad decision, food poor, cold and not very nicely presented.
To make matters worse the pickpockets got away with a mobile phone (I know shouldn't have been left in the pocket).
Final complaint wrongly accused of not paying our bar bill.
I think you can safely say we will not be going again!!!!!
went last sat and can honestly say crap food, crap service, and decor that looked like blackpool on drugs!!!!