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Miss of the week: McDonald’s breakfast wrap

Lynda Moyo joins the queue for McDonald’s latest breakfast addition

Written by . Published on March 28th 2011.


Miss of the week: McDonald’s breakfast wrap

What?
McDonald’s breakfast wrap £2.49

Where?
Take a right.

The blame
A birthday request. Like a seven-year-old, my partner resorted to pester power in order to get his dream birthday breakfast. He’d seen it on a billboard and was sold by the fact it’s “everything you want in a wrap”.

The circumstances
Wednesday. 6am. No sooner have McDonald’s served up the last quarter pounder with cheese to the last late night desperado, with a quick change of shifts in come the new staff with new found enthusiasm to serve you more of the same sort of thing. But in a sort of breakfast way. The twist in this case, being a wrap.

The appearance
It’s packaged like a cross between an apple pie and extra large fries. You’re instructed to tear along the middle to create a handy holder for your wrap. A good idea because most people don’t take the time to think about the best way to eat McDonald’s, they just shove it in and regret the mayo stains on their jeans later.

Inside the holder, the wrap looks anaemic. Bite in and you’re faced with a laughing mouth full of chewed up, unidentifiable food items. Laughing, most likely at the fact that you actually believe your body is going to be able to digest it. Fool.

The experience
I went for the full fat experience and drove to McDonald’s (a ten minute walk from my house) at the crack of dawn in my pyjamas and Uggs looking a bit like a black Britney Spears. I hadn’t even washed my face. There was a queue when I got there.

You have to give McDonald’s credit for defining fast food, singlehandedly. It’s so fast the drive-thru becomes a blur of a script...

“Can I take your order please that’s two breakfast wraps next window please that’s £4.98 please thank you there you go thanks see ya.”

No sooner had I joined the queue was I clutching a paper bag whilst trying to steer out of the drive-thru. Then home and faced with flat pack meat, a battered hash brown, airplane egg, bacon flavoured rubber and melted yellow plastic coated in ketchup and protected by a tortilla wrap. Not that the food needed any protection. Everyone knows McDonald’s food doesn’t decompose. It’s supersized and superhuman.

As you can imagine, the taste was nothing short of worrying. Luckily the wrap doubled up as a napkin to spit the rest out into it, what with its absorbent qualities and everything. Again, worrying.

The consequences
I feel sick and bloated. I can still smell it in my flat, nine hours later. I’ve got two new spots on my face and a craving for apples. It’s a wrap.

Guilt factor rating
10/10

Follow lyndamoyo on twitter lyndamoyo

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17 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

Clarissa SillMarch 24th 2011.

Maybe you wouldnt get new spots if you did things like washing your face before going out and again after eating?

patheticMarch 24th 2011.

What on earth did you expect!?

Lighten upMarch 24th 2011.

There are some nasty ranters on here today. Isn't this just a light-hearted piece about a product we all are very familiar with?

TomegranateMarch 24th 2011.

Even nasty burgers and fries manage to look delicious and mouthwatering on the adverts. But this thing even looks rank on the posters for it.

AnonymousMarch 25th 2011.

I WON'T be trying it. Yuck!

PaulMarch 25th 2011.

I think im gonna tip

DibigoMarch 25th 2011.

Give Moyo a break. Last week she was eating chicken's axe wound, this week she's eating £2.50 of McDonalds. The other guy is complaing that he can't get a dessert in a pub after he left Harvey Nics restaurant because it's too hot, and Moyo get's to review a McD's! Hope the smell has disappeared now Moyo, have a lovely weekend!

McPipMarch 25th 2011.

How I laughed!

Mike HallMarch 28th 2011.

Think i'll stick to my porridge thanks (and I hope the greasy McDonald smell has disappeared from your flat!).

Ronald McDonaldMarch 31st 2011.

McDonald's Coffee, Porridge and Bagels are all excellent value for money, tasty and wait for it... healthy. Cheaper than most of the coffee shops dotted about town. Best of all you get a balloon.

2 Responses: Reply To This...
paulOctober 26th 2011.

Best of all you get a balloon. That will not float on its own so we supply the balloon on a stick

paulOctober 26th 2011.

Although the said Balloon will not float on its own like in some high class establishments so we have put it on a stick to create an illusion of it floating

AnonymousOctober 26th 2011.

I don't trust reviews of people with stupid nails.

paulOctober 26th 2011.

It looks a lot flatter than the one in the window of my local Mc Donalds....Maybe someone should do a Micheal Douglas AKA ......DE-FEND.... in Falling Down

AnonymousJanuary 18th 2012.

Mcdonalds is amazing!! What you talking about, you must be one of these tofu bafoons!

AnonymousFebruary 27th 2012.

you all talk crap the breakfast wrap is nothing short of delicious those of you that say you do not like the look or taste of it are in denial a bargain of a breakfast at £2.49 and very filling if you do not want to eat it shut up complaining and let the rest of us enjoy this juicy munch on those lazy mornings fed up with all the fast food bad press no one is forced to eat it GET A GRIP PEOPLE treat yourself and shut up moaning and droaning about the same old shit you hear every where from tv to newspapers eat what you want to and stop making the world feel guilty for living their opwn lives

1 Response: Reply To This...
gimboidFebruary 27th 2012.

Hahaha, what a brilliant, insane rant. You must have chip on your shoulder the size of a iceberg to rant on so much on a months-old story. Get a grip and eat some vegetables, all the junk food is clearly making you irritable.

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