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Hard Rock Cafe review: it's ground breaking

Pink, Rihanna, Mick Hucknall and Elton John: the world’s first photomontage review

Published on January 24th 2011.

Hard Rock Cafe review: it's ground breaking

A little while ago a reader said that she loved Confidential but thought there “was a lot of words” which was problem because she wasn’t “really a fan of reading”.

As we like to appeal to a cross-section of Mancunians here’s a photomontage review of the Hard Rock Cafe.

It’s done in the style of the stories girls used to be treated to in Jackie magazine. But we’ve also mixed a little rhyme with each picture – an idea stolen from the old Rupert the Bear cartoons.

Could we have discovered the future of food reviews for casual dining places?

Rihanna, Pink, Elton John and Mick Hucknall,
Meet by chance in the Manchester Arndale.
“Let’s have lunch,” says John, “I’ll choose for all,
“Let’s go to HRC, there’s a pic of me on the wall.”

Settled in a Hard Rock Cafe seat
Pink and Rihanna start to compete
Who will be the Queen of Music
During their lunchtime treat?

Rihanna has shrimps, with a twist of lime,
“I love these things, they’re very fine,
“HRC’s done well,” she says and starts to inform,
“In England you know, shrimps are called prawns.”

On a Local Legendary burger, Hucknall starts to chew
“Gorgeous beef, bacon and an egg on top too,
“Back in the eighties this would have gone to my head,
“I would have wooed it like a woman and taken it to bed.”

For Pink it’s the honey-mustard grilled chicken
“It’s better than KFC, more finger-lickin’
“Crude I suppose but I’d definitely recommend,
“I’ll put it on twitter and start a trend.”

Elton John has the burger, the Red, White and Blue
“This spicy sauce, onion ring and blue cheese will do,
“It’s filling and big - but more salad might be a plan
“It’d make it less dry. Where’s the rocket man?”

The puddings looked good, they would make the meal complete.
Leroy, the nice waiter, promised they’d be a proper treat.
The stars, excited, couldn’t help choosing one
Except Hucknall, “Looking at a pudding I put on a stone.”

The peanut butter and the cheesecake weren’t even ok
They tasted of disappointment, dust and decay.
Rihanna said, “SOS, please someone help me.”
She put down her spoon, “It’s not healthy.”

The rockstars toast each other and smile
Maybe they should do it again in a while.
Leroy comes around and wonders if they require
A T-shirt, mug or badge, or some other souvenir.

Elton John, the oldest there, is the one who concludes,
“The HRC experience won’t always suit the mood
“The burgers are brilliant, and there's some lovely guitars and drums.
“But there's too much on-selling, and the prices mount up, dear chums.”

Hucknall gets the bill, feels faint, his face goes pale.
“Anything wrong,” says Pink, taking a big swig of her ale.
“Yes,” say Mick slowly, “I don’t want to increase the tension,
“But it’s a hundred and eleven pounds and money’s too tight to mention.”



The Hard Rock Cafe
The Printworks
27 Withy Grove
M4 2BS

Total: 13/20

Food: 6.5/10
Service: 3.5/5
Ambience: 3/5


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8 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

NostradamusJanuary 21st 2011.

Definitely the future. May I suggest a review of Cafe Rouge in which your writers arrive on bicycles with strings of onions round their necks, red stripey tops, berets and false moustaches. In fact you do this as a flashmob for readers.

The GodfatherJanuary 21st 2011.

Or maybe Pizzahut dressed as Prohibition gangsters - especially given the news from New York yesterday.

HahaJanuary 21st 2011.


Elton JonJanuary 21st 2011.

I resent the fact I look like I'm spewing in every picture.

PinkJanuary 21st 2011.

I'm coming up so you better get this burger started

GodJanuary 21st 2011.

Well done getting so many people who are famous elsewhere writing for you

PaulJanuary 22nd 2011.

elton you dont look like you are spewing more like you are having something obscene shoved up your bottom again.

Welsh R xJanuary 31st 2011.

very funny Fantatic review! luved the Stars comments! lol x

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