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SPORT: Knock-Outs | Wins | Kings | Prawn Sandwiches

Week 9: Rugby Grand Final punch-up, lacklustre England and free prawn sandwich with Roy Keane book

Written by . Published on October 13th 2014.


SPORT: Knock-Outs | Wins | Kings | Prawn Sandwiches
 

England

England won 1-0. England made hard-work of it. Rooney scored. Not a lot else happened.

Grand Final Knock-Out

The Grand Final between Wigan and St Helens started with quite a bang. Actually more of a wallop followed by another more sinister wallop, as Wigan prop Ben Flower knocked out St Helens' Lance Hohaia with one punch then followed it up with another as his foe lay defenceless on the floor.

Not good. Even the knuckle-heads depicted in the footy hooligan film, Green Street, had this rule: “never do a man on the floor”. When footy hooligans can take the moral high ground, you've sunk too low. Faced with playing the remaining 98% of the match with one man short, reigning champions Wigan ran their rivals close before a tired defence eventually went down 14-6 to give St Helens their first title since 2006.

Most Understanding Opponent Award

After seeing his Grand Final appearance cut short by the fist of Ben Flowers, it is quite remarkable that Lance Hohaia came out saying he bears no grudges, “I don’t hold any grudges against Ben, in the heat of the moment people do some things they regret and I have done some silly things myself in the past.” Top bloke.

How To Market Roy Keane

In an attempt to make up the £250 million missing from their interim company accounts, Tesco have unveiled a new marketing campaign to sell the new Roy Keane autobiography. For every copy of the book bought (RRP £20) the customer can claim their free prawn sandwich in honour of the tough midfielders famous quote about his own fans. 

We're sure you've seen it before, but here it is again for your pleasure. Remember, this was directed at Manchester United's home support by Roy Keane, United captain at the time:

"...at home they have a few drinks and probably the prawn sandwiches, and they don't realise what's going on out on the pitch. I don't think some of the people who come to Old Trafford can spell 'football', never mind understand it."

Free sarnie with Keane bookFree sarnie with Keane book

Sale Sharks

Sale visited Northampton in a week where the Saints had gained some new neighbours with the news that LONDON Wasps will be making an obscure relocation to Coventry. With Newcastle picking up a point earlier in the day Sale needed points in the battle to avoid eleventh spot (London Welsh have made a strong claim for twelfth place with only point this season).

The gulf in talent here was clear as the Sharks seemed toothless in their finly spread defence (sorry), a hatrick from Samu Manoa was a highlight in this six try, 43-10, hammering. Luckily Sale will get a break from the brutal premiership this weekend as they host their first match in the reborn Champions League European Heineken Parker Pen Super Trophy. Catchy.

King of Spain

Royalty has arrived in Manchester with recently relegated Lancashire CCC announcing that the former England cricketer and coach, Ashley ‘King of Spain’ Giles, will fill the vacant head coach role left by current England coach Peter Moores. Giles, who was one of the few to avoid the finger of blame from the Kevin Pieterson autobiography this week, will be given the task of returning the Red Roses back to the top flight of English cricket.

Ashley GilesAshley Giles

Falcao’s Biggest Fan

They say that your family are sometimes your harshest critics, though not your family’s pet by the looks of things. Manchester United’s Columbian striker has an unusual fan in the shape of his pet parrot Coco. According to Radamel’s wife, Lorelei, the parrot squawks the words 'gol de Falcao' every time the striker scores. Falcao added another international goal over the weekend to go with the other 161 senior goals he's scored. Someone get that parrot a Halls Soother.

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