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What’s this?

Something hairy this way comes

Published on November 7th 2007.


What’s this?

That thing on the home page is the bobble on the big hat of the vast new Father Christmas perched over Manchester Town Hall porch.

The previous Santa had to be retired after it was confirmed Police had been investigating claims of lewd behaviour against public buildings.

Back in the eighties and nineties the old devil was seen scaling the building with such disturbing ardour that elderly Cheadle ladies on shopping trips had to be provided with areas in which to lie down. Free sherry was provided. That scandalous Santa was replaced, after constant chafing, by another inflatable gent doing something unspeakable to the Town Hall from the safety of one of the courtyards. Check those ruddy cheeks, that nose, those wide eyes. Horrible. Too, too horrible.

A council spokesman told Confidential, with a pointed look and a shake of the finger, “the new Santa will be far more genteel. We’re hoping that people with dirty minds won’t be able to say anything smutty about him. Certainly with the new Santa you won’t be able to see his sack...er... with its rather out-of-date space shuttle falling out. Or even that balancing a bear trick he does with his left hand.”

Pat Karney, the official Council representative for Funstuff, told Confidential, “With 100,000 lights this is the only Santa that can be seen from space. Outer space. From 100 million light years away. When we switch it on we expect to get complaints from distant planets about how bright our Santa is.” No, really he did say this, cross our hearts and hope to die.

Meanwhile Shayne Ward after looking at photos of the original inflatable Santas told Confidential, “That’s my goal.”

Manchester has its official Christmas lights switch on this Thursday 8 November at 6.30pm.

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7 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

AnonymousNovember 7th 2007.

The French company who made it must be having a laugh at our expense. It's not Father Christmas - it's Zippy from Rainbow's cousin, Zippy the Duck!

Mancs ForeverNovember 7th 2007.

Didn't you hear Pat Kearney on Key 103 this morning - he actually said that it can be seen from outer space and he wasn't joking! Having driven past Albert Square this afternoon I have to say that it's a pretty damn accurate description of the new "Santa" - he does look like he's related to Zippy! Ah well, it's all seasonal stuff that should be taken with a light heart so let me take this opportunity to wish all Manchester Confidential staff and readers a very Merry Christmas.

woodsyonlineNovember 7th 2007.

100,000 lights, seen from space, just what i would expect from our eco-friendly green wannabe council officals. i shall miss the old space shuttle with last years number painted over. that was proper manchester.

AnonymousNovember 7th 2007.

I suppose if you were getting married at the Town Hall anytime after today, you would really want to see a load of scaffolding at the main entrance!!Great for the pictures!

WayneNovember 7th 2007.

Is that new Father Christmas based on a duck? What's wrong with sexual innuendo? We all like a big one in Manchester.

LisaNovember 7th 2007.

Exactly what we thought, it's ZIPPY dressed as Santa!!

MinisterforfunNovember 7th 2007.

I think that was a joke about being seen from outer space. Has anybody else noticed that environmentalists and 'green' sorts have absolutely no sense of humour? Nothing at all. They're as dull as tofu, the lot of them.

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