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Things To Do This Week: 9-15 May

Parties, bottoms, rock, profanity, kraak, Eurovision, eggs, McBusted, Miley and a ruddy big 'orse

Written by . Published on May 9th 2014.


Things To Do This Week: 9-15 May
 

THE FREE PARTY

Nearly two decades old, Sankeys really should know better by now. Last year it retired for respite care (in Ibiza) before bursting back into town. The aged dogged raver. Determined to slap back the usurpers, the silverback determined to stay on top. To thank the fans for their unwavering support the club has teamed up with Manchester-based house and techno label Music is Love to throw a free Friday bash. They never lost it. Music is Love/Fri 9 May/10.30pm-5am/FREE tickets here/Sankeys/Jersey St.

GO SEE SIDEBOTTOM

An obscure offshoot of the late-70s music and comedy scene with an inexplicably gargantuan papier-mâché head, Chris Sievey’s (veteran of the Manchester music scene with The Freshies) Manc alter ego, Frank Sidebottom, has inspired a darkly comic and loosely-based upcoming film. Frank, featuring big Hollywood ballers Michael ‘X-Men’ Fassbender and Maggie ‘slap and tickle’ Gyllenhaal. Frank/Opens Fri 9 May/Tickets here/Cornerhouse/Oxford Rd.

HERE COMES THE CHEESE

This marketing masterstroke is a merging of noughties musical powerhouses McFly and Busted (minus the handsome one from Busted that tried to become a rocker), creating one of the greatest supergroups the world has ever seen. Forget Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young, forget The Traveling Wilburys, even forget Asia, because this is Mc-fucking-Busted, ‘the ultimate supergroup’. McBusted/Fri 9 to Sun 11 May/7.30pm/£45 tickets here (‘ow much?)/Phones 4u Arena/Victoria Station

THE FINAL COUNTDOWN

Confidential took in Rock of Ages this week at the Palace and was blown to the back of the theatre (not at the back of the theatre, unfortunately). With more hair and thrusting than Bigfoot in Yeti Stringfellows, the show is a shameless randy rock music juggernaut including 30 classic 80s leather bonkers like We Built This CityThe Final Countdown and Don’t Stop Believin’. We still don’t get the hugely camp German bad guys, mind. Rock of Ages/Until Sat 10 May/Tickets from £13/Palace Theatre/Oxford St.

Rock of AgesRock of Ages

KICK THE BIG C

Cancer is a bastard. A bastard that won’t bugger off. The C Project by the Working Progress Theatre Company is helping to bugger this bastard. In order to help raise money for Manchester’s specialist cancer centre The Christie (Europe’s largest specialist cancer centre), The Lowry will be hosting a night of brilliant, sharp and moving new writing by some of Manchester’s most exciting playwrights buoyed by some of the region’s finest actors and directors. The C Project/Fri 9 to Sat 10 May/Tickets £12 here/The Lowry: Studio/Salford Quays

NIL-PWA ROSBIFS

Although there are cats being boiled alive in Korea for tonic that sound sweeter than this song competition, it doesn't really matter. Because it’s Eurovision. Where is it being held? Who’s representing us? Which country will roll out a transsexual this year? None of it matters, because it's supremely naff and we lap it up. NQ’s Kraak gallery have it bob on, hosting a screening of the live final, sweepstakes, block-voting, quizzes and bunts. Eurovision 2014 Final/Sat 10 May/7 to 11.30pm/£4 (or €5)/Kraak/Stevenson Sq (just off the Square, you’re not finding it anyway so it doesn’t matter).

Dad had gone too far this yearDad had gone too far this year

JAZZING UP THE JOG

Let’s face it. Jogging is boring. Step after step after step, dodging old folk, prammers, dead pigeons and dog shit. It’s also bad for the knees. And we need them. How people can sit and watch marathons on the TV baffles me. Even Titchmarsh is better than a marathon. The whole thing needs a rethink. That’s why Manchester’s first 5k Electric Run may not be such a bad idea. Not only will it be kaleidoscopic with neon glowsticks and light installations, but being at night, there’s also chance of a good mugging or thrashing. Which always perks things up a bit. Electric Run/Sat 10 May/Entry here/Sportcity/Rowsley St

THE MODEL, THE POET, THE HORSE

Based on Homer’s The Iliad and penned by one of Britain’s favourite (only known) poet’s, Simon Armitage, this world premiering stage play recounts literature’s oldest war poem of two nations at war over some pretty dame who’s done a runner. The pretty dame in this case is model, actress, boffin (double first class degree from Cambridge) and ginger siren, Lily Cole. A tale of ‘east versus west’, it’s not hard to see modern parallels. Except now the giant horse would be a Challenger 2 tank. The Last Days of Troy/Until 7 June/Tickets from £10 here/Royal Exchange/St Ann’s Sq

Lily ColeLily Cole

LEVY GOES EGGY

Levenshulme Market has sprouted this year. A community run social enterprise staged in a station car park, the market has developed from a monthly affair in 2013 to a weekly one in 2014, doubling the amount of traders in the process. This Saturday lauded local chef Robert Owen Brown will be joining traders at the Street Food, Bar and Café market to dish out the fantastic ‘Manchester Egg’ (trust, we’ve gobbled): Pickled egg encased in Bury black pudding, coated and fried. Magic. Levy Market/Sat 10 May/FREE/Levenshulme Station/Stockport Rd

DANCE WITH MA

This Australian trios blend of psychedelic dance sounds like a twenty-first century equivalent to Madchester - sorry I said it, but if I ever say Haçienda you’re allowed to run me through with a javelin. Still, let’s not dilute what Jono, Jack and Gabriel have to offer, with versatile, melodic, often punchy numbers that nudge towards the dancefloor before tucking you back into bed with a cup of tea and an LSD blotter. Jagwar Ma/Sat 10 May/7.30pm/Tickets £13.75/Manchester Academy/Oxford Rd

ACCESS AREAS ART

The culmination of a four year project between artists Dan Dubowitz and Alan Ward, Citizen Manchester is a new artwork embedding 40 large-scale interventions across Manchester's refurbed Central Library and Manchester Art Gallery. As builders Laing O'Rourke did a £50m four year job on the city's cherished Central Library, the artists were handed unprecedented access to capture the restoration. Citizen Manchester/Until Sun 22 June/FREE/Manchester Art Gallery & Central Library

MILEY? BLIMEY

Miley, alongside licking stuff, riding stuff, smoking stuff, humping stuff and weeping about stuff, she also sings songs. Where does she find the time? Still, the Britney-Lohan hybrid puts on quite a show. Just don't say dog. She'll start balling. Miley Cyrus/Weds 14 May/Tickets from £53/Phones 4u Arena, Victoria Station

It was just about the worst toilet paper she'd ever usedEuropean toilets were getting worse

NQ AFTER HOURS

A one night nocturnal hive of activity as part of Manchester After Hours on Thursday 15 May, this one-off evening festival of culture and creativity will see photography grids, digital art, animation, live printing, performance, sculpture, dark soundscapes, beatniks, film and a load of other arty stuff that we're tired of listing here so just go and wander around on the night you bum. NQ After Dark/Thurs 15 May/6pm til' late/FREE/Northern Quarter.

EXCUSE MY FRENCH

Another event as part of the Manchester After Hours evening, the very handsome but often overlooked Portico Library will be hosting Bad Language, a long running and spunky 'pub back room' spoken word event (usually at NQ's Castle pub) featuring new and experienced writers for a one-off pop-up showcasing local fiction and poetry. Bad Language/Thurs 15 May/7-10pm/Tickets £6 or £4 concs here/Portico Library/Moseley St

VAMPIRES TACOS

Another one of Tarantino's with more gore than a navvies latrine and more profanity than a sailor with a stubbed toe. George Clooney and Quentin Tarantino are two bad-ass crims on the run from the law who find themselves in a rough-and-ready backwater strip joint packed to the rafters with hungry vampire strippers. Yep. Mexican joint Lucha Libre will be on hand with grub. Because nothing makes you hungry like dislodged limbs. Confidential Film Club: From Dusk Till Dawn/Thurs 15 May/Doors 7.30pm/Tickets £11.50 inc. food/Dancehouse Theatre/Oxford Rd

Last time he'd have a back-street nose jobLast time he'd have a back-street nose job

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Anonymous

Depends on the arse.

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Anonymous

As usual mancon make no reference at all to the Irish Festival again .

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Anonymous

Double whammy of good markets too - Levenshulme have a food and drink only market on Saturday and…

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Anonymous

There are no excuses for arse-kissing.

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