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Things To Do This Week: 14-20 March

Gun-legged ladies, Paddys, ping-pong, fritters, delinquents, Germans, a pig named Larry and a cow called Colin.

Written by . Published on March 14th 2014.


Things To Do This Week: 14-20 March
 

Music: Metronomy, The Ritz, Fri 14 March, Doors 7pm

Metronomy are a strange band, but then… most bands are. Except Keane, they were just crap.

Firstly, this southerly electro-pop quartet from Devon/Brighton/somewhere-down-there are now touring their fourth album. Which poses the question: Where’d the first two go? And did anyone hear them?

Secondly, their sound can be frustrating and hops around more than a paranoid schizophrenic with pogo sticks legs. Their latest record, Love Letters, takes some getting used to. There are a number of nearly-tracks interspersed by blinders like Boy Racer, a Drive-like Nintendo record that is so bloody good it makes you want to buy a big red muscle car and drive through Miami at night... in sunglasses.

£18 tickets here

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Film: Tarantino & Rodriguez Grindhouse Double-Bill: Planet Terror & Death Proof, Dancehouse Theatre, Fri 14 March, Doors 7pm, Show 7.30pm

It should not come as much of a surprise that this Grindhouse feature from Quentin ‘Kill Bill’ Tarantino and Robert ‘Sin City’ Rodriguez, shown as it was intended, an explotative back-to-back featuring more grime, blood, gore, killer-cars, flesh, zombies and sleaze than Saw, Hostel and Resident Evil chucked into a blender with a razz-mag and turned up to eleven.

There’s not one bit of this feature that’s good for you. That’s why you should watch it. Then go home and scrub yourself for a week.

£8 tickets here.

Food: Friday Food Fights, Upper Campfield Market Hall, Castlefield, 5.30pm-11pm

Last Friday, a Confidential squadron marched the half a kilometre to this big Victorian hall for B.Eat Street’s debut food event at the Upper Campfield Market Hall. We gnashed and quaffed our way through eight black pudding wantons, six slices of pizza, five British fritters, five arepas, four Big Mancs, three burritos, a pig called Larry and a whole cow called Colin. We washed all of that down with 47 quarts of beer, seven bottles of wine, one shot of something and then danced on the tables until we’d put them all through. Then we stumbled home like a rum old sailor, undressed only from the waist down and emptied our sock drawer into the lift… well, Gordo did.

See the food melee here.

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Workshop: Bus Stop Stories, John Ryland Library, Sat 15 Mar, 2-4pm

The humble bus-stop, rain-shelter, vandal canvas, wineo’s pisspot, photographers studio?

In early 2013, Manchester photographer, John Shinnick, began to document the people at a local city centre bus stop – one of the quieter ones. The people he met allowed him to take their photo and told him their stories. This exhibition at the John Ryland documents those encounters.

At this workshop Shinnick will explain his approach to the project and explore the results.

FREE Places limited. Book early.

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Event: St Patrick’s Day, Everywhere, All weekend (St Patrick’s Day is Mon 17 Mar)

So back round it comes. That merry time when the Irish become super-Irish and the non-Irish pretend to be Irish or really like the Irish and everyone dons green, stupid hats, ginger beards and gathers around a fiddle while drinking enough Guinness to turn their pee black.

The Printworks is turning green ‘along with decorative bunting’ (slow down), live music and a Guinness van, while the Irish Festival will play out it's ten day stint (full-programme here), culminating with the grand St Patrick's Day Parade starting at the Irish World Heritage Centre at 11.30am and finishing in Albert Square at around 1.30pm.

Google Maps reckons it only takes 40mins, but then Google Maps hasn't poured Guinness on their coddle for breakfast.

St Patrick’s Day Parade 2014 here.

 

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Music: The Notwist, Deaf Institute, Sat 15 March, 7pm-10.30pm

Around since the late 80s, this German band have changed direction more times than I’ve changed pants this year. Seventeen times. They’ve gone from hardcore to grunge to indie to folk to more sonic and electro beep-boppy sounds. And somewhere in between that lot. Trying to pin a genre on these guys is like trying to drop a niknak from a drone onto the head of a Uzbekistani shepherd. Schweirig.

As unusual a collection as you’ll see this year. Kong’s their best one. Sounds like The Shins. German shins.

£12 tickets here.  

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Film: Los Golfos/The Deliquents, Cornerhouse, Sun 16 March, 12pm

A cornerstone of Spanish cinema in the Cornerhouse of Manchester cinema.

A group of restless teenagers living in a slum suburb of Madrid band together to support their friend Juan’s bid to become a bullfighter. Lacking any money of their own, the boys plan a heist to fund Juan’s dream.

Tickets here.

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Theatre: Evita, Opera House, Mon 17 – Sat 22 March

Tim Rice and Andrew Lloyd Webber’s 1978 musical Evita has twenty major awards to its credit, an Oscar-winning film version and more damp hankies to its credit than nasopharyngitis.

Starring wetter than wet singer Marti Pellow, Evita tells the story of Argentine national treasure and ‘Spiritual Leader of the Nation’ Eva Peron, the second wife of Argentine President Juan Peron (not to be confused with baldy ex-United footballer Juan Veron – he’s never been President) who served as the First Lady from 1946 until her untimely death from cancer in 1952, at the age of 33.

Tickets £18-£45.

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Music: Gregory Porter, Quays Theatre, The Lowry, Mon 17 March, 8pm

Critics have called Porter the new 'King of Jazz', comparing him to the greats such as Nat Cole, Joe Williams and Marvin Gaye. He's been nominated for two Grammy Awards and has been harked as 'the most beautiful voice in Jazz'. He also wears a hat, on his chin. 

Tickets £26.40

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Sport: Served – Ping Pong, TwentyTwentyTwo, Weds 19 March, 7pm

Served is a monthly ping pong competition for all the folk who love a bit of wiff waff (Boris won't be there). Hosted at TwentyTwentyTwo’s all new dedicated Ping Ping room, this event is more about the booze than the bats, so you're welcome even if you're crap. Plus for £5 you get two free drinks, which is cheaper than the pub anyway. And you don't get to slap around balls with a small wooden paddle down the Nag's Head.

£5 entry. £50 cash prize. 32 places.

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Exhibition: Wellcome Image Awards: Winners, MOSI, From Weds 12 March until August

For the first time since the launch of the Wellcome Image Awards in 1997, the public are invited to experience a selection of winning images that celebrate the best in science imaging talent and techniques. From an x-ray of a bat to a kidney stone, a head louse egg to a cross section of a flower bud, there's even the elusive Dave Rave Fish (below). There’ll be 18 images created by medical professionals, scientists and other image makers on display for the very first time at the Museum of Science and Industry.

FREE. More here.

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Latest Rants

Anonymous

Depends on the arse.

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Anonymous

As usual mancon make no reference at all to the Irish Festival again .

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Anonymous

Double whammy of good markets too - Levenshulme have a food and drink only market on Saturday and…

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Anonymous

There are no excuses for arse-kissing.

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