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Pizza the love action

Mark Jorgensen forgets the cheese at a singles event with a difference

Published on August 27th 2010.


Pizza the love action

A couple of years ago, if you’d said ‘Online Dating’ to me, before you’d even finished the sentence I’d immediately be thinking, ‘Warcraft enthusiast with glasses like washing machine doors lives in his mother’s basement with a hint of Buffalo Bill (without all the murders and stuff)’.

I won Best Imaginative Pizza for my ‘Nicholas Lyndhurst by candlelight’ creation, whilst couples now formed, alienating the remaining loners. If there was an equal spread of genders, I can genuinely see this being a great idea to meet people, so ladies....get involved, you may be pleasantly surprised, or just have a laugh.

However, I recall a TV advert a while ago which said that eHarmony.com accounts for 2% of U.S. marriages which seemed like a bizarre claim, and a bona fide unquantifiable lie.

There seems to have been a recent gravitational shift in Online Dating going from a graveyard for chronic masturbators to a modern platform for sociable people to meet like-minded prospective partners. I have always been intrigued as to whether this was marketing patter or genuine reality.

So, as Manchester Confidential’s in-house singleton I was nominated to attend a singles night organised by mysinglefriend.com and Pizza Express.

The theme for the evening was a pizza-making event, with the prospect of dough massage and topping arrangement used as an ice-breaker and fun twist to an evening which, otherwise, has the potential to be monumentally awkward for all concerned.

All preconceptions aside, I turned up looking as dapper as I could. I was greeted with a glass of Prosecco and shepherded reluctantly upstairs where there were a group of, surprisingly, cool normal people stood around chatting. One of my initial suspicions that this would be a complete ‘sausage-fest’ was ratified immediately as there seemed to be around 12 guys and 5 girls. Shit, was my initial thought. This is going to be like watching some sort of nature documentary where the males lock horns to grab alpha male status. My problem is that I’m not an alpha male more like a bottom feeder - so to speak. Luckily, my competition seemed as equally non-threatening as me.

The best thing was that I was pleasantly surprised at how little it actually felt like an event for ‘singles’ and more like a networking meeting, devoid of a grubby and contrived agenda. The guys introduced themselves casually to one-another, seemingly ignoring the blatant competitive undertones screaming at the back of their heads. For a while, we all stood around talking naturally with typical and uncomfortably irrelevant small talk - as though nonchalantly ignoring the primal mating nature of the occasion.

However, we were guided into the pizza making arena which suddenly transformed the evening from awkward school reunion to drunken mates pissing around trying to copy online recipies. It was not without competition, mind, and I must admit I revelled in my adversaries cracking horrific jokes being greeted with magnificent silence. Once our Frankenstein creations were completed, we were guided to a dining table where we subsequently eat our attempts, ingeniously fuelled by more lashings of Prosecco.

The atmosphere was pleasantly jovial with flirtation now rearing its potentially conflicting mug and an awards ceremony for the best creations. Genuine banter began to naturally flow. I won Best Imaginative Pizza for my ‘Nicholas Lyndhurst by candlelight’ creation, whilst couples now formed, alienating the remaining loners.

If there was an equal spread of genders, I can genuinely see this being a great idea to meet people, so ladies....get involved, you may be pleasantly surprised, or just have a laugh.

One last thing. For a moment I thought I’d made a real connection with a lovely lady. I gave her loads of good lines. I swear her pupils dilated, and her body language was all relaxed and warm. She smiled and laughed..... and turned out to be one of the organisers. This being a pizza event I nearly topped myself.

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E.X. OrcistAugust 27th 2010.

Does Mr Jorgensen know there about the ghost with devil red eyes hovering over his Lyndhurst? Does he require my services.

Mark JorgensenAugust 27th 2010.

I do indeed. That is a little apparition known only as Smudge. He's relatively harmless as far as demons go but I will let you know should he take a sinister turn!!!

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