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Paving slab trips over tramp

Published on January 7th 2005.

Following news of record compensation claims from people tripping up on pavements, Manchester faces a backlash with the shock news that a paving slab has attacked a local tramp.

A paving slab prepares to pounce
The tramp was happily sat swigging Blue Nun when the piece of path attacked. “It came out of nowhere like a bloody mad dog. It was a totally unprovoked attacked, I can hardly speak or walk let alone start a fight.”
The attack isn’t the first either, with reports of paving slabs causing damage and injuries across the city. Only last week, Tony Blair just avoided an attack by a slab demonstrating against rising council taxes as he visited the city.
With £5,000 a day claimed in compensation and the reputation of pavements across the city left in tatters, it now appears that the tables have turned.

Tramp sleeps drunk before attack
Local policeman PC Ivor Biggun confirmed: “There have been reports of a number of attacks on people across the city. We couldn’t substantiate the claims before, but now it appears that we have concrete evidence.
And it’s only going to get worse. The decision to begin covering pavements with asphalt has left a nasty taste in the mouth of pavements everywhere. Paving slabs are set to march on the Town Hall next week throwing chewing gum and ‘dog do’ at anyone who tries to stop them.
A spokesman for the Save our Pave(ment)s Association said: “It’s a joke. We’ll cover councillors in asphalt and see how they like it. The livelihood of every paving slab in the city is under attack. Well let me tell you, paving slabs won’t be walked all over anymore!”
The paving slab which attacked the tramp is described as about 2 foot tall with a grainy complexion and a square jaw.
Author: Gough
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