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MRI voted Best Hospital for Facial Reconstructions

Published on January 7th 2005.

"We owe a vote of gratitude to The 24 Hour Spar on Oxford Road", says Manchester Royal Infirmary spokesperson, "along with a pat on the back for Chief Peeler Todd".

Iron Man: More Important Things to do….
If you are going to get shot, try and do it in close proximity to Belfast General, they’ve had plenty of practice over the years at picking bullets out of people. Likewise, if you are going to get your head kicked in it seems the MRI is the place to go.
According to hospital spokesperson Krystal Ball, staff in the ‘max fax’ casualty department get to practice on a minimum of 18 people every Friday and Saturday night, 2.45am being best for business.
"It really is great to get this award", says Krystal, "We were afraid that Glasgow Queens may pip us at the post, but it seems they have been thwarted by the dastardly actions of their Chief Dibble putting bobbies on the beat, craftily in the areas and at the times where most violence occurs".
No such trickiness from Manchester Chief Constable Michael Todd.
"Greater Manchester Police are committed to ensuring that the MRI boys and girls can carry on their good work" said Mr. Todd, on the beat in that hells kitchen, King St at 11.30 this morning; one eye on a dangerous dude shuffling into the Armani store.
Intrepid Manchester Confidential reporter Scratch Jackson managed to fight his way through the camera crews to ask the crucial question ‘wouldn’t it be sensible to have a couple of Bobbies on the beat at 2:45 am outside the Spar on Oxford Rd, Mr. Todd?’
Iron Man Todd was swift with his rebuke.
"We have far more important things to do. I mean, look at this villainous bastard ‘ere. Ten minutes overdue on his parking. This is real policing", snarled Iron Man, a dangerous glint in his eye as he pulled out a wad of parking tickets from his designer Kevlar…
Krystal Ball: "Yes, if it wasn’t for Iron Man we wouldn’t have all that work to do, and would be forced to divert resources to things like heart transplants for little children. We love you, Toddy!"
Author: Garner (publisher)

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