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Cutting it: Hair Straightening Scandal

Published on January 7th 2005.

The time was coming up to 6.30 on a Thursday night and Rachel still hadn’t turned up for her hair appointment. This woman is always late, which is irritating considering she needs so much doing to her wiry mop of a hairstyle.

"Finally she’s here," says my skivvy hair sweeping assistant, "whining about her busy training session for the Manchester Run." (Shame she couldn’t have sprinted here to be on time)

"If I start colouring her hair, along with all the usual faffing about (a well-known hairdressing technical term) and straightening, we’ll be here till the middle of next week!" I exclaim.

Ear-wigging at the door, I hear Rachel reply "You know what? Let’s forget the hair drying and straightening today."

"But half the reason you come in is for silky straight hair", I reply nervously.

"Those days are gone!" Rachel gleefully replied, and then proceeded to tell me about her experience in Japan, entering my rather pathetic cubby hole I know as the office, swinging her beautifully straight glistening mane.

Away on business, Rachel had found out about a brand new and astounding hair straightening system. She said that it was called the Yuko System, and that it leaves hair silky straight.

Despite her description, I expected to find her hair damaged by harsh chemical straighteners. Instead, I was amazed to find it silky, shiny and healthy, and perfectly straight. Understandably, I quickly did some research on this Yuko system.

I then found out that Marco at Saks in Altrincham, my bitter rival, has got in on the act, the swine! He delighted in telling me he’s running an exclusive Manchester Confidential offer next week. The Yuko Hair Straightening System can smooth curly, dry, unruly hair permanently. I’m not going to go into the science of it too deeply, cause quite frankly, I can’t stand those Pro-Vitamin B5 type adverts (what the ar*e is all that about then?)

Apparently, it does this with a revolutionary straightening system that uses heat to restructure the hair’s cystine protein bonds. What? Who cares, it makes your hair perfectly straight, and for someone like Rachel who spends hours every day singeing the hell out of her hair it’s ideal!

It’s far too high-tech for me and my shoddy salon to be honest, I think I’ll leave it to the experts, so Marco you just give it your best shot mate! So stand by you in-box next week with bated breath, because a Manchester Confidential exclusive will be coming your way.

In the meantime, you can check out Marco’s microsite by clicking here, and if you’re very good the loons at Manchester Confidential might even add a new page, dedicated to the system, if they get off their fat behinds.

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