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Claim to fame

Published on September 22nd 2005.


Claim to fame

Last weekend I went to a party. This wasn’t the type of shindig where everybody gets the drinks in and throws crazy shapes on the dance floor however. This was a sit-down, be-civilised and make-pleasant-conversation bash, otherwise known as a dinner party.

The guests knew the hostess for various different reasons- school, uni, work, friend of boyfriend, etc. – so it turned out that none of us knew each other. After being introduced and taking our seats, I began my attempt at banter with fellow invitees.

‘How do you know Emma then?’ was my first question. ‘Have you come far?’ was my next. This was far from outstanding chat, and the boy I was talking to began looking around, a little frantically, for wine. Presumably he’d decided that since running away wasn’t an option, getting royally hammered was the only way he was going to be able to put up with my pretty appalling attempts at conversation.

‘So, er…’ I stumbled on. After briefly considering bringing up the weather (sure fire discussion starter), I was suddenly inspired. ‘Have you got a claim to fame?’ I asked.

Said boy looked a little perplexed at the random, and admittedly slightly abrupt topic change. He thought for a couple of seconds though, and came up with an absolute blinder- in 1985, he’d changed the rainfall figures recorded in Wootton Bassett by urinating his uncle’s rain gauge!

The other guests in our vicinity, overhearing this scandalous fact, immediately asked questions (Wootton Bassett is apparently in Wiltshire) and a lively debate ensued. The whole table was united and every guest had the opportunity to sound exciting. Result.

Prior to my dinner party success, the question had been raised in the office (probably the cause of my brainwave). The results were as follows.

Faye-‘1. Went to see the Wonder Stuff in Wolverhampton with my mate Stuart Draper and some girl called Cat Deeley.2. Climbed on the stage at the Aston Villa Leisure Centre seeing 'Take That' before they were famous, and was carried away by a security guard after having Howard's crotch thrust in my face.3. Met Desmond Tutu 4. Met Paul Weller with Tim and gave him our autographs!’

Kelly-‘I was on You’ve Been Framed, when I was 11- the Santa Clause fell off the chimney in the play I was in.’

Clare-‘I looked after Paul Weller when he visited Key 103 and when he came out of the loo, I was so awe struck I asked him if he had washed his hands.Derek Jameson is my god father.’

Tim-‘Went on the Time and the Place with Frank StapletonWon the family quiz at Norwich and got presented with the trophy on the pitch by ROBERT FLECK!Have been round Cathy Dennis's parents’ house for teaMet Will Smith, Gazza, Jamie Oliver, Rio Ferdinand, Delia Smith etc!’

And mine- I was on an ITV reality show at the beginning of this year called ‘Scream If You Want to Get Off!’ It turned out to be pants and was shelved after three shows, but, c’est la vie. Also (and this kicks ITV’s ass) Eunice Huthart, famed stuntwoman and the mega hard trainer in Gladiators, is somehow related to me, which means I’m automatically rock solid.

You see this is such an interesting game!

Have you met a celeb? Did you do something horrific at school? Have you been somewhere weird? Do you practice a surprising sport? (Careful)Email us your claim to fame and the best one will win a prize!

Jemma McCann

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Anonymous

Depends on the arse.

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As usual mancon make no reference at all to the Irish Festival again .

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Double whammy of good markets too - Levenshulme have a food and drink only market on Saturday and…

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There are no excuses for arse-kissing.

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