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Blair's face stops the traffic in booze scam!

Published on January 7th 2005.

Tony Blair caused mayhem in Manchester today by dressing up as policemen and putting up roadblocks around the city.

Blair: On the piss
Incredibly, Blair used the facade of a Labour Party Conference to hoodwink a city - Blair was in fact going drinking with his wife and just wanted the bars and pubs to himself.
Commuters coming into the city were faced with traffic jams longer than an Iraqi missile as they came into work. No entry signs prevented traffic from getting through, forcing the Manchester public to walk miles into town. Blair was even seen rifling his way through people's bags, telling them he was looking for a bomb! Blair was later heard to say: "I'm just nosey" in a bid to justify his actions.
Behind the backdrop of no entry signs and road blocks Blair was in fact ransacking shops and helping himself to alcohol in the empty bars.
Police finally uncovered the scam when they found Blair rat arsed in a deserted Circle Club trying to enter the quiz.
Some Manchester residents were forced to walk to work from Stockport
"He must have been drunk, noone in their right mind would enter the Circle Club quiz, everyone knows its fixed" said an embarrassed local Chief Superintendent.
Local residents were suitably unimpressed when Blair's scam was uncovered. "You mean ive sat on a bus for five hours so that Mr Blair can go shopping?" said an exasperated Jilly Thompson. "Scumbag!" was all Dave from Oldham could say.
Spin doctors for the Prime Minister admitted the Conference was made up: "It was made up" said the spin doctors.
Blair later made a public apology to everyone who was affected by the scam. He said: "I would like to apologise to the residents of Manchester for my actions. I will be working closely with the people of Manchester to make sure this doesn't happen again.
"I now understand that it is pointless to enter the Circle Club quiz and I've learnt my lesson."
Author: Gough
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